Well, At Least One American Thinks We’re Living In An “Exciting” Time

November 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Pictured: Goopy Paltrow doing an impersonation of her vagina after it gets steamed for too long.

While many, many Americans are scared as fuck and seriously thinking about grabbing several economy-sized bottles of vodka from Costco and going off to the mountains to hibernate in a cave for the next four years, Goopy Paltrow’s rich lady eyeballs are sparkling from the excitement of it all. Our Lady Of $950 Baby Wipes took part in a Q&A at the Airbnb Open in Los Angeles on Saturday, and since every conversation nowadays leads to talking about the election, her conversation lead to talking about the election.

Goopy’s life wouldn’t really change no matter who won, but she’s still filling with excitement while sitting in her unicorn ivory tower. The truth is, it must be exciting for her to know that she’ll have box seats when us peasants are forced to battle it out Hunger Games-style for the enjoyment of the rich. Goopy mouth farted this about what’s going on right now (via Page Six):

“It’s such an exciting time to be an American because we are at this amazing inflection point. People are clearly tired of the status quo, and … it’s sort of like someone threw it all in the air and we’re going to see how it all lands. It’s very important for me, personally, now more than ever, to create a community and to remember the humanity of everybody and to create love and … understanding.

The most amazing thing for me about this election is I felt … ‘I don’t understand the opposition well enough at all.’ I’m not going to tell you what side I’m on, but my big takeaway was, ‘I really need to open my mind and understand better because I don’t.’”

Goopy threw a fundraiser for President Obama and she’s donated money to the Democratic party, so she probably voted for Hillary Clinton. OR DID SHE?! Radar claimed last year that Goopy offered to throw HRC a fundraiser too, but she was turned down because HRC doesn’t like what she “stands for.” I see what’s going on here. Goopy didn’t tell us what side she’s on, because she’s probably on Trump’s side. The next time I watch Trump supporters protesting on CNN, I’m going to scan the crowd and look for the snobby one in a custom-made red silk MAGA cap who’s shouting, “Lock her up! And make her sleep on 300 count sheets!” That’ll show HRC what happens when you diss The Goop!

Pics: Wenn.com

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