Well, Morrissey’s head probably popped off of his neck after reading this news. I’m sure THE QUEEN has ordered her servants to search her land for his head so she can mount it over the fireplace in one of her drawing rooms after the renovation.
People reports that officials announced today that THE QUEEN’s London crash pad, Buckingham Palace, is a real dump and needs a giant overhaul. A lot of the shit in Buckingham Palace hasn’t been replaced in 60 years. Beginning in April 2017, everything from floorboards to electrical wires to toilets to sinks to thousands of radiators will be replaced. I know, no central heating! Take a wrecking ball to that bitch! And I know I am seriously hard-up for Prince Hot Ginge, but I will NOT be checking eBay.co.uk for toilet seats that have been touched by his royal ginger nalgas. I’m not that disgusting (cut to me adding “toilet seat that has been touched by Prince Harry’s royal ginger nalgas” to my eBay wish list).
THE QUEEN and her Corgis, thankfully, won’t have to move into an extended stay motel while the renovations are being done. They’ll simply just move into another part of that quaint, little cottage. The Sovereign Grant (which is taxpayers money) will double from $53 million to $94 million to pay for the renovations until the project is done. NBC News says that the estimate for all that work is $458 million, but it will probably be reduced to $275 million “when benefits, efficiencies and adjustments for inflation are taken into account.”
The Master of the Queen’s Household (that’s a hot title) released this statement about the renovations:
“Buckingham Palace is one of the most iconic buildings in the world, and this program is designed to extend its working life by a further 50 years. On completion of the work, we’ll have a Palace fit for purpose until 2067.
The program addresses parts of the structure you can’t see from the outside: the plumbing, electrics and other essential building services which have gone six decades without a comprehensive upgrade.
We take the responsibility that comes with receiving these public funds extremely seriously indeed; equally, we are convinced that by making this investment in Buckingham Palace now we can avert a much more costly and potentially catastrophic building failure in the years to come. We are also confident that our chosen option – the 10 Year Phased Refit – offers the best value for money whilst allowing the Palace to remain fully operational and occupied.”
Of course, some taxpayers are outraged over their money going to pay for THE QUEEN’s new shit cans.
You know, there is a better solution that will make everyone happy. There’s a way for Buckingham Palace to get a gorgeous renovation without having to use taxpayer money. THE QUEEN should just let that Fixer Upper couple from HGTV take over all of the renovations and film it for their show. All that gold, carpet and wallpaper is so dated anyway. Replace that dusty wallpaper with shiplap, those gaudy chandeliers with hanging mason jar light fixtures and that carpet with whitewashed wood floors. Those upgrades would up the value of that place by at least 25%!
Pic: Ask Ideas