“Duck Dynasty” Is Going Away After 11 Seasons

November 17, 2016 / Posted by:

If whoever put together that masterpiece ad lost their job, may Mariah Carey’s Photoshop team hire them immediately because they have some next-level skills.

Cabela’s answer to ZZ Top (aka The Robertson family) pulled out their hunting rifles and shot down their show Duck Dynasty after 5 years and 130 episodes. All of the ducks in Louisiana did a celebratory conga line…. until they realized that only the show is gone, not the family and so they flew for their lives while trying to remember to not get horny when Phil Robertson blows his family’s mating call whistle.

Deadline says that Duck Dynasty (Side question: Why hasn’t anybody done a gay porn parody called Dick Dynasty yet?) is still a hit for A&E, even after Ole’ Homophobe Phil shot out a geyser of shit about sinful man anus sex and how black people were perfectly happy before the civil rights movement. Phil was suspended from the show for a quick minute. The New York Times says that the Robertsons decided to end the show that made them richer.

“We’ve got an unbelievable announcement for you all,” they said in a video that accompanied the premiere of the 11th and final season on Wednesday night. “We’ve decided as a family for this to be the final chapter of the ‘Duck Dynasty’ series.”

The season will be split into two segments, The Associated Press reported. The first will air weekly through Jan. 18, then a final run of episodes will begin on March 1, with the series finale broadcast April 12.

In the video, the family members teased that they wouldn’t be going away forever: “You might see us again on a special or two.”

Hmmm… I wonder why the Robertsons are leaving the show that supposedly still makes them and A&E money? If you could look into the thought bubble above my head, you’d see Si, Willie and Phil Robertson walking on a stage in camo business suits after Donald Trumps says, “Presenting your new Attorney General, your new Secretary of Defense and my pick for SCOTUS!”

Pic: A&E

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