There are certain reliable things we can count on, and one of them is that Drake will always turn into a major clinger when he gets a crush on someone. And he’s always got a crush on someone. I’m almost positive Drake is actually a lovesick 7th grade girl trapped in the body of a grown man. Drake crushed on Rihanna, Serena Williams and a variety of NBA players. The latest name Drake is drawing hearts around in his diary is 50-year-old ESPN sideline reporter and analyst Doris Burke.
Last night was Drake Night at the Toronto Raptors’ Air Canada Centre, something some people, like Golden State Warriors Kevin Durant, couldn’t muster a shit to give about. But Drake was really happy it was Drake Night, and he took the opportunity to profess his love for Doris. Drake showed up in a custom-made shirt with Doris’ picture and the words “woman crush everyday” on it. He Instragrammed a picture of Doris split-screened with a picture of himself wearing his Doris shirt. Then Drake told ESPN’s Israel Gutierrez that Doris a “stunning woman“, said that he loves her with all his heart, and asked her to dinner at his house live on television.
Iz talks to Drake about Doris Burke pic.twitter.com/5fYqPptuaa
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) November 17, 2016
Surprisingly, Doris didn’t respond by locking her doors, then running to her kitchen and checking the stove for a pot with a bunny inside of it. Doris actually agreed to dinner with Drake.
@Drake dinner is on ❤️️
— Doris Burke (@heydb) November 17, 2016
Doris better not be joking. Right now, Drake is putting new 12″ tapers in his nicest crystal candlesticks and practicing how to do the accidental pasta-kiss from Lady and The Tramp. The only problem will be how Drake is going to break the news to Taylor Swift that he’s got a new lady in his life and won’t be pulling fake relationship stunts with her anymore. That’s too bad, I’m sure her publicist already picked out ugly his n’ hers Christmas sweaters for them to wear too.