“Meet Your Second Wife” wasn’t only a Saturday Night Live skit, it’s also the romantic tale of how Tony Bennett met his latest wife Susan Benedetto. Looong before 90-year-old Tony made 50-year-old Susan his third wife in 2007, he sort of met her at a show in San Francisco when he was 40 years old and she was negative 0 years old. Susan was growing in her mom’s body at the time. Hugh Hefner and the Trollsens’ dudes don’t need to scream for a nurse. That warmness and tightness they’re feeling in their chest is just from their heart reacting to this touching and ♥~romantical~♥ story.
Tony Bennett’s new memoir “Just Getting Started” is out, and the publishers should’ve included a barf bag with it. Because he tells a story that’s supposed to be cute, but it will leave some people wet heaving like a hacking cat on a rug. Page Six says that in his memoirs, Tony writes that in 1966, he met two super fans named Marion and Dayl Crow at a show in San Francisco. Tony took a picture with them and at the time, Susan was growing in Marion’s uterus. Tony says that they look at that picture now and laugh, laugh, laugh. And while all of them barf up a tornado of LOLs, all of us make the face that today’s HSOTD made.
“As fate would have it, Marion was pregnant at the time with … Susan! It’s a photo we all laugh about knowing the incredible turn of events that followed.”
19 years after Susan checked out of her mom’s womb, she met Tony again at another show in San Francisco. Susan was the president of Tony’s Bay Area fan club at the time. Tony asked 19-year-old Susan out that night and she’s been slurping up his seasoned granddaddy balls ever since. Every Belieber and Directioner better get on their knees and worship at Susan’s feets, because she is living the mega stan dream!
Okay, that story is on the creepy side, but it’s not like he fell in love with her when she was a fetus. It’s not like Tony put his hand on Marion’s bump and felt something in his heart when unborn Susan kicked. It’s not like it was love at first kick. Or was it? You know, I don’t want to know. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.