If you live in or around Calabasas, then you probably slept with two pillows covering your ears last night, because I’m sure Khlozilla did not stop howling up into the sky, and you can blame that all on the supermoon. The supermoon was like the Game of Thrones of moons to me. Because yesterday, the media kept saying that the supermoon was going to be magnificent and amazing and you must watch it, and after I saw it, I thought to myself, “Eh, not that super or amazing.” (Come at me, GoT nerds!) But after hearing who the turd crust-covered hairball picked for his chief strategist and after watching his surreal interview on 60 Minutes, many of us looked at that supermoon and paraphrased Tina Fey’s daughter when we said, “I want to move to there.” I did that, but since my brain is a dilapidated 80s time capsule, I also thought about a toy from the 80s that was some kind of moon creature that looked like a pink-haired Ziggy Stardust if a pink-haired Ziggy Stardust got struck by lightning at a rave on Venus.
I couldn’t remember that toy’s name, but after Googling, that Celine Dion song filled my head because it all came back to me. The toy I was thinking about was named “Moonglow” and Moonglow was one of the Wonder Whims! The Wonder Whims helped the 80s become the era of pastel foolery in 1986 when they were released. They came from the mind of Canadian magician Doug Henning and his wife Debby. The Hennings created the Wonder Whims because they wanted children to learn to appreciate magic and all the wonders around them. But it seems like the Hennings really created the Wonder Whims because they wanted children to appreciate dropping acid.
The Wonder Whims were little magician-creature-things who were half baby doll and half stuffed animal. They were basically a cross between a bestiality baby and a plushie love child. They each came with a magic wand, a kaleidoscope, a story book and an animal friend that they also rode. There were six of them and had names that made them sound like they called Jamie Oliver “daddy.” There was Sunprince, Seashell, Raindrop, Feather, Moonglow and Jadoo. And while the Wonder Whims brought magical fuckery to the children of the 80s, they probably brought confusion to parents. Because mom and dad took one look at a Wonder Whim and didn’t know if it was a real thing or if they were just having a nightmare flashback from taking LSD in the 70s.