A Federal Judge Ordered The Release Of “Making A Murderer’s” Brendan Dassey

November 14, 2016 / Posted by:

The people of Manitowoc County, Wisconsin better start planning a “welcome home” parade full of marching kittens and WWE stars for 27-year-old Brendan Dassey, because it looks like he could be released from the chokey very soon. Back in September, U.S. Magistrate Judge William Duffin overturned Brendan’s murder conviction and declared that investigators pulled some shady shit by interrogating a 16-year-old without an adult present and pretty much coerced a confession out of him by making false promises. Everybody who pulled their pubes in frustration while watching every painful second of Brendan getting majorly fucked in a bad way in Making A Murderer let out a cheer, and they can keep cheering, because his prison cell door will soon swing open and out he’ll go.

Brendan has been eating Honey Buns and government cheese sandwiches (that’s not a euphemism, I think) in prison since 2007 after he was found guilty of first degree murder for the killing of Teresa Halbach. Brendan’s uncle Steven Avery was also convicted and is still sitting in a prison cell on a life (without parole) sentence. Up until a judge overturned Brendan’s conviction, he wasn’t eligible for parole until 2048. Wisconsin’s Attorney General made a fist and vowed to fight Judge William’s decision. They appealed and asked for either Brendan’s conviction to be reinstated or make him fight it out again in a retrial. As the process of appeals happens, Brendan will get to live on the outside.

WTMJ says that a federal judge granted Brendan Dassey’s release today under a few conditions. He can’t leave eastern Wisconsin, he can’t get a weapon, he can’t get a passport and he isn’t allowed to have any kind of contact with both Steven Avery and Teresa Halbach’s family.

Okay, that’s good news for Brendan, but does he know about everything that’s happened in 2016? Does he know that living through 2016 has been like walking against the wind in a wind tunnel as someone on the other side keeps throwing bucketfuls of shit at us? If he really knew about 2016, he’d probably stay in his cell and say, “Err, I’m good, but check back with me in January.”

Pic: Manitowoc County Sheriff’s Department

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