One of the more private and publicity-shunning celebrity couples has reportedly set a wedding date. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton will marry on May 5, 2017 at the Church of the Good Shepard in Beverly Hills. Allegedly. This news comes from In Touch, so let’s approach it with caution. There could be a follow-up story in which we learn that, in a shocking twist, Gwen has asked Marilyn to be one of her bridesmaids. What I’m typing is that your mileage may vary on this one.
This date is a little later than “by the end of the year” which is when USWeekly and TMZ had them getting hitched. Will it be a subtle, intimate ceremony without any corporate sponsorship, tie-in episode of The Voice, or a full pictorial spread in People that hits the stands exactly one day later? If by “subtle” and “intimate,” you mean “three million-dollar ceremony with 400 guests.” Come to think of it, that IS sort of “subtle” and “intimate” for a celebrity pairing. A harried Jinger Duggar just looked over from writing 1,000 thank-you notes and longed for “subtle” and “intimate.” And she’s got to haul ass on those so she can get to being pregnant!
Gwen and Blake merged musical genres roughly one year ago after each of their marriages drove over cliffs, hit the rocks below, and exploded into nothingness. Since then, they’ve broadcast every moment of their relationship to the world via social media, letting the paparazzi know ahead of time if they’ll be out in public together, and, of course, sappy shit like performing songs together. Why aren’t I also receiving a daily e-mail keeping me apprised of their every action together as a couple? Where can I sign up for that?