IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS: Meghan Merkel Bought Groceries

November 11, 2016 / Posted by:

Because of everything that has happened during this depressing week (“I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about.” – everyone), I really thought that things would be extra bleak on the real news front. But I was proven wrong this morning when The Daily Mail posted an EXCLUSIVO investigative exposé about Prince Hot Ginge’s American girlfriend Meghan Markle. Meghan is currently visiting her man in London and the paparazzi caught her going back to his place at Kensington Palace. The DM’s investigative reporters put their investigative reporter skills (read: their eyes) to work when they noted that Meghan wore a brown baseball cap and Hunter wellies while walking back to Kensington Palace after shopping among the organic produce at Whole Foods. Unfortunately, the tabloids kind of dropped the ball on this one, because I could not find one interview with that green cow. That nosy trick must’ve peeked into Meghan’s bag as she walked on by.

I should turn down the sarcasm all the way, because it is pretty shocking that Meghan Markle went out and bought groceries. If any of us were PHG’s piece, we wouldn’t need to buy groceries. Why bother when you can eat spotted dick all weekend long? Yes, I said spotted dick. He’s a ginger, I’m sure it has freckles on it. And since I’m really great at transitions, I’m going to move from blowjob and freckled royal peen jokes to pictures of PHG remembering the fallen on Armistice Day at the National Memorial Arboretum.

Pics: Wenn.com

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >