And now for some really important news that you truly, truly care about!
The halls of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. are now covered with melted plastic, because Angela Kartrashian (aka Blac Chyna) had a C-section this morning and as soon as the doctor cut her stomach, out come a wave of silicone and on top of it was her baby daughter, who was using the placenta as a surfboard. The official home of the koven, E!, reports that at 9:18 this morning, Pimp Mama Kris’ newest money maker was pulled out of Blac Chyna’s body and I’m sure that 4 seconds later, PMK pricked that baby’s finger, and made her press her bloody fingerprint on a life-long kontract. You gotta sign ’em young before they gain some sense.
TMZ says that E! tried to get their cameras into the hospital to shoot a TV special (because of course) and the staff wouldn’t let them. Producers kept trying to make it happen, but who knows if it happened. If it didn’t, no big deal. In a few days, they’ll just re-open Blac Chyna’s C-section scar, stuff the baby back in there and re-shoot the birth in a studio.
As for the poor girl’s name, Chyna really disappointed me by not naming her Koryea Kardashian. Instead, Rob Kartrashian and Chyna decided to give their little adorable new brand a name she can use for a perfume line, a cosmetics line, a clothing line, a strip club franchise, a pop group and on and on. The possibilities are endless!
Their baby girl, who they named Dream Renee Kardashian, arrived at 9:18 a.m. PT weighing 7 pounds 5 ounces via c-section. Renee also is Chyna’s middle name.
“She is gorgeous and has tons of hair!” a source tells E! News.
When Dream realizes what family she was born into, she’ll probably legally change her name to Knightmare Kardashian. And I’m told that Dream is actually a nickname. It’s short for : Dream On, Kylie, Because I’m Two Things You’ll Never Be: A Kardashian And Black.
And the good news for Chyna’s nipples is that at least they won’t turn into pizza sausages since Rob can do the breastfeeding. Kongratulations to them!
UPDATE: Those tricks work fast. Here’s the first picture of Dream Kardashian taken at the moment she realized that Rob Kartrashian is her dad. That’s clearly an “Oh shiiiiiit, really?” face.
Those fame whores (and hell’s mannequins) also did the mannequin challenge as Blac Chyna was in labor. And with this, the mannequin challenge is officially DONE!