Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Buster the Boxer!

Christmas is only 44 and a half days away and that means we’ve only got a little over 6 weeks to max out our credit cards on gifts that the people in our lives will probably return and drop-kick a whore in a Target for the last Samsung Gear VR. It also means that the Christmas displays that terrorized our eyeballs even before Halloween are about to multiply like holly jolly Gremlins who continuously fart out Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. The UK department store John Lewis got their holiday season (aka Get That Money, Stores, And Get Broke, Customers season) by releasing their annual cute, little manipulative ass Christmas commercial.

In it, a dad sets up his daughter’s Christmas gift, a trampoline, in the backyard as her mom puts her to bed. When he finishes and goes back inside the house, a group of woodland creatures, who obviously just dropped Ecstasy, break into the trampoline and jump for joy, as that song from Moulin Rouge plays. (Yes, I hear the gasps of blasphemy from the Randy Crawford fans who now want to slap me for typing “song from Moulin Rouge.“) Inside of the house, the family dog, Buster the Boxer, watches the woodland creatures having fun and instead of calling the bobbies on those shameless trespassers, he thinks about how he wants to go to there. So on Christmas morning, the parents show their little girl her gift and when she runs toward it, Buster the Rude Ass Boxer beats her to it and fills with derpy happiness while jumping on it. (And no, Buster the Boxer is not going to get arrested for stealing his trampoline jumping act from The Simpsons’ dog Santa’s Little Helper, because that screen shot is fake.)

John Lewis should’ve put their return policy at the end of that commercial. Because if I was that little girl, I’d make my parents return that shit and get me a new one. It’s got dog slobber on it and has been touched by pooch paws. It’s USED! The Baby Jesus would demand a new one too. And Buster the Boxer not only won at trampoline jumping, he also won at ruining Christmas!

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