There was once a time, a beautiful, magical, messy time when Angelina Jolie wasn’t the halo-wearing saint of the people. It was the early 2000s, and Angelina was a brother-kissing, blood-vial-wearing ball of crazy who was married to Billy Bob Thornton. Angelina and Billy Bob were a match made in horny mess heaven who rolled up on a red carpet with the fresh stink of limo sex on them. But as perfect as they seemed to be, they weren’t. Billy Bob recently confessed to GQ that it didn’t work out between he and Angelina because he wasn’t the fancy gentleman she needed.
The problem was, he says, “I never felt good enough for her.” She was always going off to meet with the U.N. people or the president or the adoption agencies, and he just wanted to stay home and watch baseball. Still, that was okay. What wasn’t okay was that they’d get invited to George Lucas’s house or something, “and I’m real uncomfortable around rich and important people.”
I feel kind of bad for Billy Bob. The Angelina and Billy Bob of the early 2000s really did seem like a skanky kind of true love, and it must have been hard when he realize she was slowly turning into a serious dignitary-in-training. I wonder what tipped him off? I bet it was the first time she claimed her blood vial necklace was “at the cleaners” or chose dress pants over leather pants. “Are those…J. Crew? Is that underwear? You’re wearing underwear now? I don’t even know you anymore.”
Pic: Richard Burbridge/GQ