Brad Pitt has been laying low ever since St. Angie Jolie caused the definition of marriage to crumble into a billion pieces when she filed for divorce. I figured that he’d spend the next few weeks holed up in his bachelor mansion where he’d suck on cigars and play cards with Jacques Jolie-Pitt on a table made from the empty pizza boxes they’ve been collecting ever since they moved in. But on Monday, Brad hosted a private screening in L.A. of Moonlight, which may get a few Oscar nominations and was produced by his production company Plan B. Julia Roberts also showed up to support Brad and she may or may not have brought a shirt with the words “A Low Angie” on it and asked him if he wanted to wear it for the pics.
I figured that in the first pictures of Brad since the SPLIT OF THE CENTURY, he’d look bloated, puffy-eyed, extra greasy and he’d have dried nacho cheese clinging to the side of his mouth and flies circling the crusty shirt he hasn’t changed in weeks. (What I’m saying is that I thought he’d look like me on any given day of the week.) But Brad actually washed his ass, put on clean clothes and showed up looking like a Pacific Northwestern high school English teacher who tells the kids to call him by his first name and can be found down-low vaping behind the bleachers at lunch time.
It was reported that Brad wasn’t going to go to the premiere of his movie Allied in L.A. tonight, but People says that he will be there. It’s going to be real awkward for Brad to pose next to his unborn baby growing inside of Marion Cotillard’s body. I need an escandalo right now, okay?