Where Was Samuel L. Jackson When The People On This Flight Really Needed Him?

November 7, 2016 / Posted by:

And now let me pull you away from the terrifying election news to give you some terrifying airplane news!

Now, many times when I’m on a flight, I pray for a girthy and long serpent to land on my face and help me pass the time. This is not the kind of girthy and long serpent I pray about. CNN and my own personal CNN called The Daily Mail both report that during an AeroMexico flight from Torreon to Mexico City, a stowaway trick dropped into the cabin, because you know, flying isn’t bad enough. The Daily Mail says that snake was a venomous green viper. While many passengers were probably hoping that snake wasn’t the baby and soon the mom was going to appear to swallow them all, I’m sure one passenger secretly hoped that snake would bite the bitch kicking their seat behind them.

Passenger Indalecio Medina took a quick video of the snake dropping into the cabin. That snake was probably making its way to the galley to try to steal bottles of wine. There’s always one of those on the plane, and it’s usually me.

If I was on that flight, I’d demand that the flight attendants give me a free 6-pack of those child-sized wines to help me deal with the possibility of getting murdered by a snake on a plane, but Indalecio seemed to take it well. He tweeted this:

“I had to catch it with a blanket and obviously we gave it some magazines to read for a while. The snake arrived alive and kicking, frightened but without having paid its airfare. And best of all, priority when it came to landing and animal control experts waiting for the unexpected traveller.”

CNN says that the plane made a quick landing and animal control dragged the snake to jail where it’s waiting to face stowaway charges.

You know, this really doesn’t scare me that much. I’d rather sit next to a venomous snake than a chatty stranger who keeps telling me about their life like I care. But what’s really disturbing about this story is that there was an actual snake on an actual plane and there’s no video or account of someone screaming, “Lo he tenido con estas malditas serpientes en este maldito avión*!!!!”

*I called my mom to translate the “I’ve had it with these motherfuckin’ snakes…” line into Spanish for me but she didn’t pick up. I had to use Google Translate instead. Yes, I’m ashamed.

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