Since Kanye West’s fashion line is full of overpriced minimalist zombie rags, I figured that his interior design aesthetic is the same and his house is as empty as his sense of humbleness and the only thing in there is a $980,000 custom-made Northern White Rhino suede sectional that’s been distressed with holes made by specially-trained Luna moths. But apparently, Kanye’s house was filled with a bunch of really expensive furniture until one day he sashayed in, felt the sting in his eyes from the ugliness of it all and did what you did when you watched his video for Famous: HEAVED!
Page Six says that Kanye hired talent manager turned interior design artiste Sandy Gallin to decorate his and Kim Kartrashian’s mansion in Calabasas, CA. Kanye spent nearly “all of his money” on new furniture including a one-off $30,000 couch. The source says that when Kanye saw all of the furniture, he pulled down his pants, shit a turd into his hand, put it on the floor and said, “That piece of shit is more beautiful and special than all of this ugly furniture combined!” (It hasn’t been confirmed that Kanye actually did that, but does it need to be?) The furniture couldn’t be replaced so Kanye bought all new stuff. I guess that check from the insurance for Kim’s stolen ring cleared. The source spit this out:
“Kanye walked into the house, decided he hated all the furniture brought in by Gallin, and demanded it be returned to the vendors. But they refused to take it back, so he took it all out and threw it into storage. He then spent a fortune on a new set of furniture. Kanye spends so much money and he’s holding everything up. The house still isn’t ready. Kim just wants to be settled at home, especially after everything that happened in Paris.”
Kanye has apparently hired a new designer, who will most likely check into rehab in a couple of weeks to deal with the Xanax addiction they got from dealing with him.
And if Pimp Mama Kris has been wondering where Kim is, she should check Kanye’s storage unit. Because I’m sure that after Kanye told his movers to put all the furniture in storage, they mistook Kim’s ass for a pleather bean bag couch and tossed her into the truck.
And here’s The Slow One trying to be sexy while going to a restaurant with a friend last week. Since Kim’s sitting on the bench, someone has to meet the koven’s weekly ho stroll kwota.