Brad Pitt Wants Joint Custody Of The Kids

November 5, 2016 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt finally got around to answering his ex Angelina Jolie’s divorce petition. His ass must have been roused out of his purple haze when he noted Angie had checked off the box marked “SOLE CUSTODY” on the form. Angie’s alleged idea of divorce settlement negotiating must be “I don’t want my kids smelling like Isla O.G., so you can see em’ every other Sunday.

Leaping from his couch in a flurry of In-N-Out Double-Double wrappers (stop drooling, Michael K), stoner dad immediately got on the horn with his legal people and cock-blocked that “SOLE CUSTODY” move with a “JOINT CUSTODY” request. Maleficent must be wrought!

According to TMZ:

Brad Pitt has just set the stage for a custody war … asking for joint custody of the 6 kids he shares with Angelina Jolie … TMZ has learned.

Brad answered Angelina’s divorce petition and squarely takes issue with her request for sole physical custody of the kids. She wanted Brad to only have visitation.

I am about as well-versed in the legalities of child custody matters as I am in simple math or even where the clitoris is located, but I think Brad might need to gather more people from celebrity legal aid. The court could balk at “joint custody” due to the reportedly ongoing investigation of him by DCFS. In Touch Weekly (grab your salt shaker) claims Brad has been “verbally abusive” to 15-year-old Maddox on multiple occasions and those alleged allegations are being investigated. This whole shitshow originally opened after Angie allegedly told authorities that Brad laid his hands on Maddox. That particular DCFS file was supposedly never stamped “Done With This Shit” and has been ongoing. In better news for Brad, at least the FBI wants nothing to do him.

In other tidbits, Brad claimed the same separation date as Angie, which is September 15. Neither of them has mentioned spousal or child support. Well, that’s one less layer of mess to have to frost on this messcake. Huge gobs of money falling out of both your asses at random intervals can eliminate a lot of shrieking at each other in court.


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