The asshole black sheep of the Tyco Quints, Justin Bieber, is taking his Purpose tour to the Sambadrome in Rio de Janeiro next March (as in March 2017), and a handful of Brazilian Beliebers are already camping out. They’re not camping out for tickets, they already have those. Since the tickets aren’t numbered, the first ones in get the best spots, so they’re waiting in line FIVE FUCKING MONTHS in advance. If on December 25th, you start to feel sorry for yourself because you’re spending the holiday with nothing but a box of wine and porn (that sounds like a dream, actually), don’t! Make yourself feel better by telling yourself that in Rio, a Belieber is spending their Christmas lying on the sidewalk while waiting to see the maple syrup-covered piece of tampon lint in concert.
Globo (via Time) reports that the crazed group of Beliebers camping out in Rio aren’t the only ones who are doing that shit in Brazil. Another group is doing it in São Paulo and that show isn’t until April 2017. They could be doing it to get on the news, but this isn’t their first time doing it. They camped out for 2 months before Justin Bieber’s last show in Rio in 2013. Here’s a picture of the poster children for: Come Get Your, Child!
— JustinBieberCrew.com (@JBCrewdotcom) November 3, 2016
Globo says that these Beliebers aren’t totally nuts. They haven’t quit their jobs or school to wait in line. A total of 130 of them are working in shifts so they can still go to class or work. One of them said that his boss “understood” and another said, “We are here for our idol and our love for him made us do this madness.”
I was going to say that I wish I could love something as much as these Beliebers love that yodeling dingle, but no, I don’t. There’s nothing I would wait 5 months for. Actually, that’s not true, I’d wait 5 months for a dollop of Prince Hot Ginge’s saliva and a free Double-Double, but that’s it.
These Beliebers must be masochists-in-training. They’re waiting five months for a little asshole who may throw a tantrum at the last minute and cancel, or may throw a tantrum on stage and yell at them before cutting the show short. They’re going to make a dom real happy one day.