Your someone at the dinner table tonight: So honey, how was your day? Did you do anything interesting?
You: I watched a 55 second video of a tortoise saying, “Wow,” while fucking his piece.
The next sound you’d hear is the sound of their fork dropping on the table as they get out of their chair, grab their car keys and leave. They can get into some kinky shit but tortoise orgasms is not one of them.
This video has been fucked into my inbox with a “wow” at least a dozen times today, and I really brought it upon myself by writing about the prolific baby-making machine known as Diego the 100-year-old tortoise. There’s not much to this video. The dude tortoise can’t believe he’s getting some action and lets out a “wow” as another tortoise watches. Kinky. It’s like a scene out of “A Regular Night In Hugh Hefner’s Bedroom.”
The description in the YouTube video also says that the dude tortoise probably got blue tortoise balls because he really didn’t get to finish.
“Depicted are Aldabra Giant Tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantean) in the act of mating. It lasted a few minutes and eventually the turtle on top had been pushed by a third one and been placed on its back”.
Meanwhile, the bored lady tortoise was probably thinking to herself, “‘Wow’ is not really the word I’d use to describe this slow ass humping.”