Beyonce And The Dixie Chicks Performed At The CMAs And I Don’t Think Everyone Lived To Tell The Tale

November 3, 2016 / Posted by:

It was a night of exploding heads last night. Heads exploded during the never-ending final game of the World Series. Heads exploded while watching Diggle get topless on Arrow (and yes, a different kind of head exploded.) And heads exploded when the Dixie Chicks and Beyonce shared the stage at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. My thoughts are with the ears of the receptionists at ABC who are probably getting hit with a thousand tornados of blood-curdling anger screams from country fans who still hate those unpatriotic traitor trollops the Dixie Commies and who also hate that police-hating non-country ass Beyonce!

Some OUTRAGED country fans have marked November 2nd as the day country music died a sad death. But the Beyhive have marked November 2nd as the day country music was truly born, because their Lord and Savior hootin’ and hollered out her song Daddy Lessons along with the Dixie Chicks at the CMAs. The Dixie Chicks have performed that song during their tour before, so the pairing wasn’t totally random. They weren’t put together by Hillary Clinton to destroy Trumps supporters. Or were they? I see you, Hillary. But the real question is, why was Beyonce wearing the Las Vegas version of Lucy Westenra’s wedding dress?

And while Matthew McConaughey slapped his chest to the beat (or maybe he had heartburn?) during that performance, some didn’t do much. Kenny Chesney may end up like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl, because the Beyhive may sting him to death for having the audacity to not smile during Beysus’ performance. If you don’t freak out over Beyonce, you are instantly an enemy to The Hive!


I think the Beyhive should stand down, though, because Kenny Chesney’s stoned face was directed at Beyonce. I know who it was really directed at. The CMAs is sort of a formal event and so Kenny had to put on his dress-up shirt and his dress-up shirt has sleeves on it. So no, he was not amused when he laid his eyes on the pucker-inducing sight of Mugatu’s hot hillbilly cousin playing the saxophone in a sleeveless shirt!


So calm the hell down, Beyhive. Kenny wasn’t hating on Beyonce. He just had sleeveless-envy, that’s all.


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