Any Beyhive member will tell you that last night’s Country Music Awards was really The Beyonce Country Time Jamboree Extravaganza (featuring some other tricks and awards, I guess, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention)! But to us Dollies, last night’s Country Music Awards was really The Dolly Tribute Spectacular (featuring some other tricks and awards, I guess, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention)!
Dolly Parton was given the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award, which was a little strange for two reasons. It was strange that it was her first time getting the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award. She should get it every year. It’s also very strange that the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award isn’t a giant smokeable joint. That award so doesn’t know who it’s named after.
Lily Tomlin introduced the Dolly Parton tribute, which also featured the likes of Jennifer Nettles, Reba McEntire, Kacey Musgraves, Martina McBride and Carrie Underwood yodeling out a few of her hits. Dolly’s heart is sold gold bits and diamonds held together with industrial-strength hairspray, so she didn’t rush the stage, snatch the mic from one of them and show them all how it’s really done. Dolly is a be-wigged saint so she let the lessers have their moment and then graciously accepted the award.
But seriously, usually someone gets a Lifetime Achievement Award later on in life, but Dolly still has centuries upon centuries to go. Dolly’s body and Dolly’s soul are made of indestructible materials, so she’s going to live forever and ever and ever. In about 75 years, ageless Dolly will present the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award to country legend Blue Ivy Carter!
And here’s pictures of the ones I recognized at last night’s CMAs. Nicole Kidman tried it by doing herself up as a Loretta Lynn Barbie, but Kacey Musgraves won the “Barbie look” contest by looking like a Barbie cake from the bakery at Albertsons.