When the Evita and Mother Teresa of Turkey, Lindsay Lohan, did an interview last month with Turkish television about being the new freckled savior to Syrian refugees, her mouth released a bizarre accent that sort of sounded like Rachel Dratch’s Vlem trying to do a voice impersonation of an American doing the accent of a Russian Leprechaun. I follow LiLo on Snatchchat (because I need something to watch on the toilet) and she mostly talks in her normal “Long Island trucker who gargles with gravel” voice on there, but it seems like whenever she’s in a country where the main language isn’t English, she puts on a vaguely Eastern European accent. Most of the internet discovered LiLo’s “Tom Hanks in The Terminal” accent yesterday when a video of her at the opening of her club in Greece made the rounds. When Madonna heard LiLo’s accent, even she said, “Oh blimey, what an arsehole.” LiLo explained why she sounds like half of Europe busted nuts on her tongue, and her explanation made me roll my eyes in several different languages.
Here’s the video from LiLo’s club opening, and she kind of sounds like she’s doing the affected accent that some dumb Americans do when they speak to someone whose first language isn’t English. “If I talk like this, you understand me good, ya?” It’s very “Ana Gasteyer doing Celine Dion as a Russian grandma in an episode of The Americans.”
LiLo jacked us all off (we’ll get an invoice later) when she told The Daily Mail that she talks like that because she’s just so international!
“It’s a mixture of most of the languages I can understand or am trying to learn. I’ve been learning different languages since I was a child. I’m fluent in English and French can understand Russian and am learning Turkish, Italian and Arabic.”
And while some are calling LiLo’s accent “coke-anese,” she came up with a really great name for it:
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) November 1, 2016
I believe LiLo when she says she knows different languages, because she is a serious business person. And knowing how to say, “$5 for a blow, $20 for a lay,” in different language is very good for business.
With that being said, LiLo’s accent is the best thing she’s done since that Fuck U nail.