Bryan Cranston has recently added his name to the long list of famous Americans who claim they will pack up their stuff and migrate north to Canada if armpit cyst Donald Trump becomes President of the United States next week.
Bryan explained his post-election plans during an interview with The Bestseller Experiment podcast (via The Hollywood Reporter). And it’s not a maybe that he’ll move to Canada; Bryan is 100% renting a U-Haul and driving it to Vancouver if Trump is elected.
“Absolutely. I would definitely move. It’s not real to me that that would happen. I hope to God it won’t. It wouldn’t be a vacation. I’d be an expatriate.”
I hate to break it to all the famous Americans like Bryan that they can’t just hop the border and live in Canada. It doesn’t work that way. Canada isn’t a water park; you can’t just buy a ticket and park your ass in the lazy river for as long as you want. You’ve got to wait in line for hours in the hot sun behind a dude wearing cut-off Calgary Flames sweatpants as swim trunks first. That’s not a metaphor, either – you’re going to see a lot of cut-off sweatpants here. And unless Bryan is able to get a job playing the long-lost uncle on Schitt’s Creek, he’s still going to have to go back to the US for work.
Sure, a move to Canada means that you switch out President Trump for Prime Minister Dréamy, but it also means giving up a lot. Guess what you can’t buy in Canada? Oh, just everything. Our grocery stores are 80% maple things, 19% bags of milk, and 1% packets of Chalet sauce. Sometimes you can find a store that smuggled in some Trix or Fruity Pebbles, but don’t count on it. Hope you can learn to like the taste of Shreddies, Bryan. Ha! Tricked you, no one likes the taste of Shreddies.