Every year, the wrecks of Today do one big group costume and they usually go all out. Last year, they brought the night terrors by dressing up as The Peanuts and the scars I got on my brain from being exposed to that terrifying shit still haven’t healed. Well, the producers must have used most of the show’s budget to pay preppy butt plug Billy Bush to go away, because this year’s costumes looked like they came from a community theater costume shop sale and a Salvation Army donation bin. You know they told Kathie Lee Gifford that a bottle of chardonnay was hiding at the bottom of that bin and she hopped in to get it.
The 90s have been barfing all over 2016 for a while now (see: every trick wearing a choker, Vanilla Ice being somewhat relevant again, the return of Kimmy Gibbler, etc…), but on Today this morning, the 90s came back in a messy way.
They did one giant 90s theme. Matt Lauer dressed as Jerry Seinfeld and looked more like a pasty Wayne Newton as a half-assed Prince. Kathie Lee Gifford dressed as a 90s era Regis Philbin and the furry dog turds they glued onto her face will haunt me for the rest of the day. And Tamron Hall dressed as both Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction and Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. While dressed up as the second one, Tamron did the legendary “It’s VEEERRRY expensive” scene from Pretty Woman and went on to do another bizarro scene with Al Roker (as Urkel) and Dylan Dreyer (as Baby Spice). Tamron should definitely quit her day job, because acting is her destiny! And Dylan Dreyer should definitely quit her day job too, because being a British accent coach is her destiny!
But seriously, I know that scene isn’t supposed to be good and it’s all just fun and games, but I wasn’t laughing. I was not amused by them cutting Snobby Saleswoman #2 completely out and giving her iconic line to Snobby Saleswoman #1 (played by Jill Martin). Snobby Saleswoman #2 is thee pivotal role in Pretty Woman and her line changes everything. Cutting Snobby Saleswoman #2 out of Pretty Woman is like cutting Macbeth out of Macbeth. If those tricks at the Today show cared about details and did their research, they would know that! And they call themselves serious journalists! (“We don’t actually, didn’t you see today’s show?” – everyone at Today)