One of our new guest writers was supposed to help out today, but technical difficulties kept that from happening and so there weren’t as many posts as usual. Please accept my sowwies in the form of these fap-inducing pictures of Colton Haynes as a ho’d up Miss Piggy posing for a spread in
Penthouse Farmhouse magazine. Someone had to serve up a sticky palate cleaner to cleanse away the memory of seeing Katy Perry as Hillary Clinton and that someone is Colton Haynes.
Colton Haynes has been trying to get his hands on Heidi Klum’s Master of Halloween crown for the past few years. Two years ago, Colton dragged it up as Fiona from Shrek and even though he looked more like a bright green booger sculpture of Khlozilla’s original face, his costume was still a winner. Last year, Colton dragged it up as a skinny Ursula the Sea Witch after getting lipo and going on a 2-month-long Master Cleanse. And last night, Colton hit up Slutoween parties as a Miss Piggy Real Doll. If Courtney Stodden played a nurse in that Pig Face episode of The Twilight Zone, that is what she would look like.
Colton posted a bunch of pictures of him looking like Miss Piggy’s Anna Nicole Smith-obsessed auntie on Instagram, and also explained why his socks look like they were used as a clean-up rag after an orgy in the pig pen.
Me posing with my dirty socks that I had to walk in once my 8inch platforms broke & my top fell off. The best Halloween ever!!!
If you didn’t want to sleep at night due to the urge of fapping keeping you up, here’s Colton working his rubber chichis:
— Little Mix Promo (@BrasilLM) October 30, 2016
And as for what Miss Piggy thinks about Colton’s Slutoween costume:
. @MissPiggy omg r we in a fight right now?
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) October 30, 2016
October 31st isn’t even here yet and I’m already grateful for this Halloween because it has given us a beef, I mean, a pork, between Miss Piggy and Colton Haynes.