Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

The performant artist tree who got arrested for blocking traffic in Portland, Maine!

Portland, Maine threw its hat of foolery into the ring for the title of the Florida of New England on Monday afternoon when police had to deal with the people screaming, “Leaf the poor sap alone!”, at them as they arrested a walking tree. WCHS6 (via Buzzfeed) brought us the important news of a 30-year-old dude in tree drag who held up cars at the intersection of Congress and High (“high” is right) Streets by walking real slow across the crosswalk. Trees can’t walk, but if they could, they’d probably walk real slow, so this crazy dude’s impersonation was spot-on. The police didn’t appreciate it, though, and they told him to get his fir-ey ass out of the street. At first he listened to them, but then he went all, “Hell no, tree won’t go,” when he went back to the crosswalk. So the cops handcuffed his branches (I’m guessing) and arrested him.

The cops later said that the man, whose name is Asher Woodworth (Yeah, “Woodworth.” Being a tree is his destiny.), claims he was opening up minds with his performance art piece. Shia LaBeouf could never come up with art like this.

“He said it was some kind of an art thing. He called it his performance, and then he said he wanted to see how it would impact people’s natural choreography.”

In other words, Asher didn’t only cover his body with the green, it sounds like he smoked some too.

Those police should leave that tree artiste alone. He is doing a public service by reminding the people the beauty of nature… and fuckery. If the police insist on making a tree-related arrest, they need to go down to Target’s headquarters and handcuff the executives who made the decision to sell Christmas trees and other holly jolly shit before Halloween. They’re the ones committing the real crime!

Pic: @CurtFletcher

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