Late last year, The Telegraph said that Tom Cruise was selling his estate near Scientology’s headquarters in England. That news made nearly everyone tape their windows up, because we knew that David Miscavige would holler out a glass-breaking scream if Scientology’s reigning Jesus quit that bitch. Little Lord Davey isn’t going to bruise his vocal cords from screaming over Tommy leaving anytime soon. Because at the London premiere of Jack Reach Around 2 last week, Scientology’s prince farted out nothing but sweet talk about his beautiful religion.
On the red carpet, a reporter from ITV (via HuffPo) brought up the documentary My Scientology Movie, which is already out in the UK and comes out in the U.S. next year. The Church of Scientology already shat on the documentary and reportedly puts its filmmakers under surveillance. It’s amazing that as soon as that reporter named-checked that documentary, goons in alien suits didn’t tackle her to the ground as Tommy used his high level bridge queen powers to erase the footage from her camera. Instead of doing that, he avoided that documentary and dribbled out praise for the crazy alien kingdom he rules over:
“It’s something that has helped me incredibly in my life; I’ve been a Scientologist for over 30 years. It’s something, that as you know, without it, I wouldn’t be where I am. So it’s a beautiful religion. I’m very proud.”
Here’s the video of it, and Tommy may be smiling with his mouth, but he’s totally burning the word “traitor” onto her brain with his laser beam eyes.
“Beautiful” isn’t the word that Leah Remini or many, many others would use to describe that shit. But Leah Remini wasn’t Scientology royalty like Tommy is. We’d all probably call Scientology “beautiful” too if we regularly held court in a lavish throne room at the Celebrity Centre and were hand-fed cookie dough prepared just to our liking as our disciples took turns licking our asshole. And yes, when Tommy said the word “beautiful,” he was thinking of all that ass-licking and cookie dough-eating.