John Mayer either whispered something semi-romantic like, “Tell your pharmacy to get the Valtrex ready because I’m going to fuck the herp into that puss tonight,” or something really romantic like, “My David Duke cock wants to fuck the Mexican out of that multi-racial puss.”
Demi Lovato’s coochie may have missed the steady diet of douche dick she got before breaking up with Wilmer Valderrama, because UsWeekly thinks that maybe she’s moved on to John Mayer. John and Demi showed up separately to a restaurant called Catch (John Mayer at a restauranted called Catch = TOO EASY) in L.A. on Saturday night, but once they both got inside, they sat next to each other and he supposedly blew a sweet Summer’s Eve breeze into her ear while wrapping his arm around her.
Some source said this about this match made in messy asshole heaven:
“John had his arm around Demi and was whispering sweet nothings into her ear,” an eyewitness tells Us. “She was into it. They weren’t making out or anything, but she was giggling the whole time.”
A second insider added that the pair “chatted it up for over an hour,” and Mayer gushed that Lovato “has one of the greatest voices.”
It could be nothing, but these two really make sense. Demi seems to have a thing for older twat enemas and John definitely has a thing for young pop tricks. Not only that, but John was known for acting a mess on Twitter and Demi is currently known for acting a mess on Twitter. And they both hate Taylor Swift! They’re perfect for each other. And if it’s John Mayer’s goal to bone everyone who has feuded with Taylor Swift (see: Katy Perry and Demi), then it’s only a matter of time before the douche-pocalypse swallows us all after he’s seen tickling the ears of Kanye West with sweet nothings at a club.
And it looks like Demi and John are already coordinating their ensembles, because she’s dressed like a T.J. Maxx Fran Fine and he tried to work one of Grandma Yetta’s old blazers.