Lindsay Lohan is already on her way to single-handedly saving the economy in Greece by running a nightclub (that is not at all a front for an underground hooker and coke ring). LiLo is also working on building up the energy of Syrian refugees by giving them Red Bull-like energy drinks (and she’s totally not doing it so she can get them hooked on that stuff and then charge them later). And between all of that, LiLo has somehow found time to become the Mother Teresa of Turkey and also thee premiere voice of islamophobia awareness in America. Oh, 2016, here you go again…
Mother Lindsay was recently in Turkey where she visited Syrian refugee camps. Mother Lindsay reportedly visited the same camps that St. Angie Jolie has visited and she was a much bigger hit with the people. While in Turkey, Mother Lindsay did an interview with the Turkish TV network Haberturk and she growled out words of praise for the country’s president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. Haberturk is very pro-Erdoğan. Last July, Turkey’s military busted out a coup to get President Erdoğan out of office. It didn’t work. Mother Lindsay says that watching that coup inspired her to get involved in the refugee crisis:
“When the coup happened, just seeing the whole country stand up for each other, that was really emotional for me, all these people in one place, that people were so afraid of, are all supporting each other.”
Mother Lindsay went on to burp up about how she’s so impressed at how the people of Turkey admire and respect President Erdoğan. The Daily Beast adds that Erdoğan recently met up with LiLo’s other boo, Putin.
She’s also happy to be out of the U.S. (“The feeling is mutual, trick!” – the U.S.), because over here, being yourself is dangerous. She brings up how when paparazzi pictures came out of her carrying the Koran in NYC, she felt like she was crucified for it and treated like Satan.
“I was a bad person for holding that Koran. I was so happy to leave and go back to London after that. Because I felt so unsafe in my own country after this. I mean, people were, like, horrible to me. Just because this is my belief, this is something I want to learn.”
Mother Lindsay then transformed into Turkey’s one-woman tourism board by saying this:
“In Turkey you have free will as a woman, that’s why it’s amazing here, you can do what you want and it’s accepted. Whereas I am in America and I am holding the Koran and I am the devil. No.
You have to acknowledge the good parts of a place that people think is so bad. People think it’s so dangerous. We are sitting in a very nice place and we’re very lucky to even be here. So it’s time we start recognizing the truth and doing something.”
And here’s the video of Mother Lindsay’s interview, but before you press play, prepare your eardrums for her voice. She sounds like an 85-year-old who has smoked crushed nails rolled in sandpaper for 50 years and she’s got a vaguely foreign accent. It’s the affected accent that some do when they come back to the U.S. after visiting a foreign country. It’s the accent that makes you say, “Bitch, stop Madonna-ing with your voice!”
Page Six says that there’s rumors and speculation that LiLo is getting into Turkish politics because she’s dating a “pro-government Turkish billionaire.”
So, an actress gets into politics after she gets with a high-powered man and together they rise to the top! Oh shit, we’ve all seen this musical before. LiLo isn’t Turkey’s Mother Teresa. She’s Turkey’s Evita. Livita! And I know Livita doesn’t want us to cry, but I’m crying. I’m not crying for her, though. I’m crying for Turkey.