It’s been almost a month since the news broke that Angelina Jolie didn’t want to be married to Brad Pitt anymore. But a former employee of theirs decided to take us on a stroll down memory lane with some stories from when they were still together. One of Brangelina’s former bodyguards, Mark “Billy” Billingham, the guy seen holding Zahara Jolie-Pitt recently spoke to The Sun about the good ol’ Brangelina days.
Billy – a former SAS officer of 27 years – was Brangelina’s bodyguard for 18 months quite a few years ago. His lack of recent contact isn’t stopping him from spilling the tea on Angelina and allegedly bad daddy Brad. Billy has an appearance on Channel 4’s SAS: Who Dares Wins to pimp out, so he began by saying whether or not Pretty Boy Brad would make it as a wannabe soldier on said show. The answer is: no, he wouldn’t. Angelina, however…
“Brad wouldn’t last long because he wouldn’t have any cream to put on his face. It would be too sweaty and uncomfortable for him. He’s too pretty! But Angie could do it. She’d probably be the only one with balls at the end. She would stick it out.”
Billy goes on to say that his time in the military was the best job training he could have had for watching the child army. Billy claims he prevented a stalker from going “John Lennon” on Angelina Jolie. Not only did Billy protect Brangelina from stalkers and creeps, he had to protect them from themselves. Billy says Brad and Angie were cluelessly out-of-touch about normal stuff like going to a bar or getting dressed.
“I had to make sure their image was protected, that they were dressed properly and not doing silly things that could be caught on camera. What surprised me was their low level of common sense. I found it crazy when they would ask me questions like, ‘How do I go down to that bar?’ and ‘What do I need to do to get there?’ They’re not stupid, but because of the world they live in they just haven’t done something like that for so long. I found that weird.”
To be fair to Brad, those questions might have just been stoner talk. And if Brad really was as stoned and drunk as some people would like us to believe, then it was good that Angelina had Billy around. Billy says he was the only one Angelina trusted to be with the Jolie-Pitt kids. He claims he was the one who took the child army swimming and that he “fathered them, basically.” That much fathering started to cut into his time with his own six kids, so he was forced to quit after 18 months. Billy says he still does stuff for Brangelina here and there, like joining Angelina and Maddox on a recent trip to the UN.
But it wasn’t all seriousness and child swimming. Billy recalls being included when Brad personally gave Angelina a birthday gift.
“Once, it was Angie’s birthday and we were all sitting in a Audi Q7. I hadn’t been working with them long and suddenly Brad has locked the doors and farted and we couldn’t get out.”
I bet Billy is lying about the reason why he quit. He definitely submitted his letter of resignation about 0.3 seconds after the heat from Brad’s greasy fart hit his face. Exposure to a Pitt fart is an on-the-job health and safety issue.