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October 16, 2016 / Posted by:

Italy’s 24-hour free wine fountain!

Around 140 miles from Rome is a wondrous Shangri-La for us sweet nectar-guzzling drunks who regularly pray to Hay-Soos to please use his magical wine-turning touch to turn our bathroom sink faucet into a bottomless wine fountain. The Local (via Eater) reports that the Dora Sarchese Vineyard in the small town of Caldari di Ortona in Abruzzo has built the promise land for winos. The  fontana del vino spurts out locally-produced red wine and that alone makes it a beautiful, beautiful thing. But what really makes it heaven on earth for cheap drunks is that it pours free out red wine 24 hours a day! To paraphrase a couple of lyrics from the holy hymn Heaven Is A Place On Earth by Belinda Carlisle : They say in heaven, wine comes first. We’ll make heaven a place on earth!

The Dora Sarchese Vineyard is a cathedral where the remains of Thomas, one of Jesus’ bros, are kept. Every year, thousands make the pilgrimage from Rome to the cathedral , and now they’ll be able to quench their thirst with the nectar of the gods after making that long holy journey. The fontana del vino was a joint project between the vineyard and the non-profit organization that runs the pilgrimage route. They were inspired by a similar wine fountain in Spain.

#Fontanadelvino

A photo posted by Tiziana del Principe (@tizianadelprincipe) on

The vineyard wants to make it perfectly clear that the wine fountain isn’t a stunt and if you’re a drunk bitch like me and have already made plans to set up a permanent tent next to it, think again.

“The wine fountain is a welcome, the wine fountain is poetry,” the Dora Sarchese vineyard wrote on its Facebook page.

It noted that the fountain was not a place for “drunkards” or “louts”, nor was it a “publicity stunt”.

So if you’re a drunkard, don’t act a fool or you’ll be kicked out of that paradise. I mean, it’s natural to want to wrap your mouth around that faucet fountain and suck it dry, but if you’re going to do that, make sure to stick one of your pinkeys out so they know you’re a well-behaved and classy drunk. And yes, I’m talking to you, Kathie Lee Gifford.

Pic: Instagram

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