Shortly after all of our ears were molested by that tape of Donald Trump bragging about how he forces his grossness on women, there were reports that the producers of The Apprentice have EXPLOSIVE footage of him mouth farting out the n-word on set. That news made me shrug and say, “Err, you mean, he hasn’t already used that shit in a rally?” Buzzfeed heard from sources that Mark Burnett, the producer of The Apprentice series, was threatening to sue the asshole off of anyone who dared leak the tapes. Everyone involved in the making of The Apprentice signed a contract that states they will be hit with a $5 million fee if they leak any footage. Mark Burnett was also called “Pro-Trump” by Buzzfeed. Mark Burnett has now come out and said that yeah, he’s known for putting his name on a lot of shitty shit (see: the Ben-Hur remake, etc…), but he has not put his name on the list of people who endorse Trump.
Mark told Variety that he won’t sue anyone if footage gets out, because he can’t. Mark sold The Apprentice archives to MGM, so they own everything. MGM said that they’re not going to release the footage because of confidentiality agreements. Mark also told Variety that he and his wife, Roma Downey, are throwing holy water at Trump’s campaign:
Given all of the false media reports, I feel compelled to clarify a few points. I am not now and have never been a supporter of Donald Trump’s candidacy. I am NOT “Pro-Trump.” Further, my wife and I reject the hatred, division and misogyny that has been a very unfortunate part of his campaign.
Mark’s statement came right before the giant tornado of syrupy dumpster sludge slammed into all of our faces. As everyone knows, several women have come forward claiming that Jabba the Trump sexually assaulted them. The New York Times published the stories of two women, and a writer for People wrote about how Trump allegedly stuck his Hutt tongue in her mouth. This is quickly becoming a Bill Cosby situation, and it’ll probably be easier if we just take a count on who hasn’t allegedly been groped by the hardened scrotum wart. But both People and Jezebel have a list of Trump’s accusers if you want to see that.
Trump, who was caught on tape bragging about forcing his lips and hands on women, denied forcing his lips and hands on women. Trump’s lawyers tried and failed to get the NYT to pull their story. Instead, their lawyer hit back with a letter that included this beautiful burn:
Nothing in our article has had the slightest effect on the reputation that Mr. Trump, through his own words and actions, has already created for himself.
And as for Mark Burnett, please. Mark, you helped create Jabba the Trump (as did I because my ass watched every episode of Celebrity Apprentice). You know Mark is all “I rebuke thee, Trump!” in public, but behind-the-scenes he’s spooning the giant orange slug while whispering, “Awww, boo, I didn’t mean that, kiss kiss.”