It’s Canadian Thanksgiving today, so I’ve been on my own, because my weekday partner in foolery Allison is busy feasting on maple leaves-stuffed roasted moose before she goes to her nearest Church of Latter-day Skanks to give thanks to a statue of Canada’s pride and joy Justin Bieber!
Madame Tussaud’s in London started celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving early on Saturday when they debuted their latest wax figure of Canada’s most embarrassing herpes outbreak. Madame Tussaud’s dressed their newest Biebs wax figure up like an early-aughts Kevin Federline and gave him a constipated facial expression that’s a cross between “Uncle Usher, you said just the tip!” and the face you make whenever you watch one of his performances.
Madame Tussaud’s also decided to give their waxed Biebs the wet look. That’s actually a smart business decision on Madame Tussaud’s part. They probably had to hire several new janitors to constantly clean their old Justin Bieber wax figure because crazed Beliebers kept covering it with a trail of coochie slobber by rubbing their down-low parts against it. And now that he’s supposed to look wet, they don’t have to worry about cleaning the sticky twat drool off of it. Very well played, Madame Tussaud’s!