The latest leg of Melissa Etheridge’s “Angelina Jolie Is A Nasty Demon Cuntress Tour” made a stop on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last night and she debuted a brand new song that I’m sure will soon be #1 on Angelina Jolie’s iTunes playlist. Melissa was on Andy’s SiriusXM radio show on Monday and she said that the allegations that her old friend Brad Pitt went crazy on Maddox are “completely unfounded” and she accused Team St. Angie of leaking fake stories to the media. Melissa also brought up how during Angie’s BBP (Before Brad Pitt) days, she and Billy Bob Thornton acted real nasty toward Laura Dern. On WWHL last night, Melissa said that Team St. Angie went after her about the things she said and she responded to them with a lil’ diddy!
Angie reportedly hired the real-life Olivia Pope, Judy Smith, to help with Operation Destroy Brad, and Judy’s firm supposedly didn’t like what Melissa said and let her know. Melissa played The Media Twisted Mah Words Around card, which isn’t true since we all heard what she said. Melissa then pulled out a guitar and asked fellow guest Kelly Clarkson to hold the lyrics to the response song she wrote called The Fixer Blues. I thought it was weird that Melissa didn’t know the words to the song by heart, because I figured she would’ve kept it nice and simple by writing: “Roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you Angelina and your fixer too.” But she didn’t go that route. Here are the lyrics courtesy of Entertainment Weekly:
Well I woke up this morning to a subtle warning / That had my mind rockin’ / Seems I said some things about an old, old, old friend / That’s got some people talking / Now I know broken heart, a thing or two about divorce / I’ve been there before once… OK, twice / I have not seen my friend in over 10 years / I swear I have never, ever, ever, ever met his wife / I tell you what, I ain’t pickin’ no fight / None of my business who’s wrong or who’s right / Anyway, that’s for sure my opinion is mine / You can take that and a dime and have a good time on your Google search so / Fixer I hope you understand to scandalize was never my plan / Reminiscin’ I was flowin’ / I was just hanging with my good friend Andy Cohen / Talking about our spouses and our own glass houses / So the moral of this story is / Divorce is a bitch and nobody wins / Let’s not do unto others and please forgive us our sins / Life is too hard anyway / So when you’re chatting with Andy / You better watch what you say.
Damn Team St. Angie’s fixer for scaring Melissa into muzzling herself, because I love the messiness and drama. But I get it, Team St. Angie is probably scarier than the mob. Melissa probably knew she better backpedal like it’s her job when she woke up on Tuesday morning and as she stretched out, her leg hit something at the foot of her bed. Melissa sat up and her eyes widened and she hollered out a deep scream of terror after seeing that the foot of her bed was covered with her decapitated rubber dicks. Angie The Godmother really, really doesn’t play around.
Here’s Melissa’s temporary lyrics sheet holder selling her children’s book in New Jersey and NYC yesterday:
Pics: NBCU, Splash