James Haven Is The Child Army’s New Manny

October 6, 2016 / Posted by:

Seen above giving off terrifying “Heeeeere’s Jimmy!” vibes in 2004, James Haven has reportedly been helping his sister Angelina Jolie with her 6 children as she deals with divorcing Brad Pitt. Uncle Stains is apparently at Angie’s rental house in Malibu every single day. The windows of that Malibu house must reach the edge of shattering when all 6 kids simultaneously scream, “Mom! Uncle! Gross,” after seeing Angie and James sloppily suck face.

UsWeekly says that a few months ago, James Haven became a regular Mary PoppinEyes by taking care of his nieces and nephews. A source says that Brad probably isn’t mad that James has joined the child army’s team of nannies:

“He took on a more active daily role in June. The kids call him ‘Uncle James.’ Brad thinks highly of James. He’s always been incredible to the kids and is welcome in his home.”

Angie currently has temporary sole physical custody of the children and Brad gets to visit. A different source tells People that Brad recently hung out with all of his kids for the first time since St. Angie caused the earth’s core to nearly explode by filing for divorce. The source only said that they all had a “wonderful time.” The source didn’t say if Uncle James was present and creeped Brad Pitt out by following his every move with those bulging eye globes.

Whenever I’m at my cousin’s house and she asks me to watch her little ones for a minute, I always tell her to ask the plastic plant in the corner to babysit because it’ll do a better job than me. But being the child army’s nanny may not be that bad. I mean, you get to spend 4 hours shopping for new toys, 2 hours at McDonald’s, 1 hour crank calling Chelsea Handler (and now Melissa Etheridge) and the rest of the day is spent in their war room where they busy themselves while planning their world domination. I could easily do it as long as judgmental Angie got over that weird “being stoned and drunk around the kids is wrong” thing.

Pic: Getty

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