The Alien Lizard King Calls Out The Crazed Cumberbitches Who Think His Wife And Kid Are A PR Stunt

October 4, 2016 / Posted by:

To me, Benedict Cumberbatch’s union with his wife Sophie Hunter is about as riveting as eating a plain rice cake while watching a re-run of Antiques Roadshow. (The Roadshowaloonies are totally going to shank me for that one.) But out there in the land of the internet are some Cumberbitches who make B. Cums and Sophie’s union sound real dramatic and interesting by saying that it was created by his PR team. Other Cumberbitches also think that Sophie was never pregnant and that their baby probably has Hasbro ™ branded into his body since he’s a doll! B. Cums had a few words to say about his hardcore tinfoil hat-wearing fans and if you’re one of them, get ready to rage-type, “HE READING FROM A SCRIPT!

B. Cums did a cover interview with Vanity Fair to push Doctor Strange, and the subject of the Cumberbitches was brought up. VF’s Michael Schulman told B. Cums that while making his way to the interview, he searched Twitter for some Cumberbitch material and found a tweet that read; “Sometimes when I’m sad I picture a shirtless Benedict Cumberbatch slowly eating an apple fritter. Try it!” I just tried that now and it put the sads in me. I imagined that otterterrestrial nibbling on an apple fritter that I wish I was nibbling on. I want an apple fritter now. Thanks for that, you cold ass Cumberbitch, whoever you are. Michael brought up that tweet with B. Cums:

“Have you tried that? It wouldn’t work for me. I’m glad I’m bringing a ray of sunshine to an otherwise dull day, being imagined eating fritters shirtless. But, I don’t know, it makes me giggle. I don’t look at myself in the mirror and go, ‘Yeah, absolutely! I see what they’re saying!’ I see all my faults and everything that I’ve always seen as my faults.”

That led to B. Cums talking about a group of Cumberbitches who think that Sophie and his one-year-old son Christopher “Kit” Cumberbatch are PR tools. B. Cums believes those fans must suffer from bad perms because they’re obviously the descendants of Alex Forrest from Fatal Attraction.

“There are people who believe that my wife is a P.R. stunt and my child is a P.R. stunt. I think really it’s to do with the idea that the ‘Internet’s boyfriend’ can’t actually belong to anyone else but the Internet. It’s impossible he belongs to anyone but me. And that’s what stalking is. That’s what obsessive, deluded, really scary behavior is.”

To be fair to the crazed Cumberbitches, that’s exactly what someone who was in a PR stunt relationship would say. B. Cums didn’t deny it either! But are we sure that Sophie Hunter herself is even real? Is there any proof that she’s not really a robot made by B. Cums’ PR team? Have we ever seen her in the rain? If a fly landed on her eyeball, would she feel it? I’ve seen HBO’s robot docu-series Westworld. I know what’s possible!

And here’s the Alien Lizard King serving up some Barbizon-taught sexy poses in a photo shoot that was co-produced by Adobe.

Pics: Jason Bell/Vanity Fair

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