Duchess Breck Girl and Prince Baldy’s week-long tour through British Columbia ended over the weekend, and Prince George was obviously as thrilled to bid “bye, bitch” to his Canadian subjects as he was to greet them. There are only 4 things listed in the job description of a British royal and they are: smile, wave, always dress like you’re stuck in a “perfect family portrait” that comes with the frame and piss off Morrissey any chance you get. Prince George either got THE QUEEN to scratch off “smile and wave” on his contract or he can’t be bothered to care. I’m going with the second one.
While dressed like an old money Christopher Robin, King George (humanity may as well get used to calling him that) led his entourage to a seaplane at the Victoria Harbour Airport on Saturday. Before they got on the plane, George did manage to actually wave at the maple syrup-scented peasants, but apparently that was enough charity for him for the day. Because a boy came up to the royal family and after he gave a bouquet to the miniature Queen Elizabeth II, he went all Prime Minster Trudeau by trying to high-five Prince George. Prince George wasn’t having it. What part of “the only correct way to greet a royal is to bow all the way down” do these peasants not understand?!
But really, Prince George probably wasn’t smiling and waving as much as his entourage was, because he was in deep thought. Prince George was thinking about how in just a few years, THE QUEEN will declare his pepaw and daddy unfit for the throne and crown him king, and he’ll conquer Canada! The first thing King George will do when he lands back in Canada is go down to the dungeon where he’ll greet Prisoner Trudeau by high-fiving. Trudeau won’t be able to high-five King George back, since you know, he’ll be shackled, and that’ll make George cackle into the air. I know, I’ve thought about this a lot.