Hillary Rodham Clinton (69)
Morgan Saylor (22)
Sasha Cohen (32)
Toya Wright (33)
Jon Heder (39)
Seth MacFarlane (43)
Phaedra Parks (43)
Rosemarie DeWitt (45)
Anthony Rapp (45)
Keith Urban (49)
Steve Valentine (50)
Tom Cavanagh (53)
Natalie Merchant (53)
Cary Elwes (54)
Dylan McDermott (55)
Julie Dawn Cole (59)
Rita Wilson (60)
Neil Meron (61)
D.W. Moffett (62)
James Pickens, Jr. (62)
Bootsy Collins (65)
Julian Schnabel (65)
Pat Sajak (70)
Jaclyn Smith (71)
Shelley Morrison (80)
Take a styling tip from Nicole Kidman: When you’re on your way to the event and someone barfs on your right tit, just tape a tablecloth over the stain and work it, bitch! – Lainey Gossip
Don’t take a styling tip from Benedict Cumberbatch’s wife by wearing a hair salon cutting cape as a dress – Celebitchy
That’s Elle Macpherson?!!!! What kind of Photoshop witchery…. – Drunken Stepfather
Kim Zolciak even fills her ass dimples – Reality Tea
In almost every set of pictures of Katy Perry campaigning for Hillary Clinton at a college, you’ll find at least one nerd who is two seconds away from passing out over being so close to those TITS – The Superficial
Jack O’Connell is playing Alexander McQueen in a biopic – Towleroad
Charlize Theron is either annoyed by the paps or she’s annoyed that she, a millionaire movie star, has to buy her own damn milk – The Nip Slip
I thought Dakota Fanning’s career was going good, but I guess not, because it looks like she had to get a part-time job at a Japanese maid cafe – Popoholic
Two piece: Alessandra Ambrosio is in one – Hollywood Tuna
Don’t you just hate it when a Craigslist trick steals thousands of dollars from you after you eat their ass out? Kayta shares your pain – OMG Blog
In case you didn’t know that we’re all really fucking bored and have run out of shit to do with ourselves – SOW
Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman are making their split final by getting a divorce – HuffPo
Some nerds want Quentin Tarantino to direct Deadpool 2 – IDLYITW
It must’ve been a really slow pap day in Hawaii – Popsugar
Backdoor Farrah almost got fisted, and not in the way she’s used to, at the Teen Mom reunion – Starcasm
Glenn Close, Bette Midler and Patti LuPone are all going to be in Broadway musicals at the same time. I could slide on a rainbow all the way to NYC, because it’s a great time to be alive and gay! – Just Jared
Late last year, The Telegraph said that Tom Cruise was selling his estate near Scientology’s headquarters in England. That news made nearly everyone tape their windows up, because we knew that David Miscavige would holler out a glass-breaking scream if Scientology’s reigning Jesus quit that bitch. Little Lord Davey isn’t going to bruise his vocal cords from screaming over Tommy leaving anytime soon. Because at the London premiere of Jack Reach Around 2 last week, Scientology’s prince farted out nothing but sweet talk about his beautiful religion.
Andy Cohen Once Had A Threesome With A Married Straight Couple. Hmmmmm, I Wonder Who He’s Talking About….
Alternate headline: CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT!
The shifty don of the Housewives, Andy Cohen, is putting out his 46,789th memoir called Superficial: More Adventures from the Andy Cohen Diaries, in November and The Daily Mail got a few excerpts. Most of the excerpts come from the department of DUH, like Andy writes that before taping the reunion, all of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills turn their insides into a CVS pharmacy by downing a bunch of pills. Anybody with eyes that can see, ears that can hear and a sense of reason knows those bitches are pilled up to the ends of the earth. But Andy does write about how two years ago, he decided that he didn’t want to die without his dick kissing a chocha, so he had a threesome with a blonde woman and her muscular husband. SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, or so Andy claims…
Whoever cut that trailer knows exactly what the Gilmore Girls audience wants: cake frosting ejaculation jokes! Thanks, Netflix.
Netflix’s 4-episode series Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life debuts on November 25th, and the first official trailer was released today. For people who have zero interest in a mother-daughter team who talk like they’ve been snorting coke and mainlining coffee all day, the trailer will feel like a two-and-a-half minute long commercial for American Girl’s new line of Barbie-style dolls called Wholesome Gals. But for the rest of us losers, it pretty much takes us right back to the Gilmore Girls we left behind. Both Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel look the exact same. It must be all that speed-talking. It never gives the skin on their face a chance to settle.
Everyone makes an appearance. There’s Luke, Kirk, Paris, a giant painted tribute to the dearly departed Edward Hermann, Jess, Dean, the Gilmore Guys and the will-she-or-won’t-she-show-up of the new series Melissa McCarthy. I know we’re all supposed to be really excited that Melissa McCarthy is back, but her appearance was overshadowed by Sally Struthers and Liz Torres at the 1:56 mark. Fingers are crossed Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life will be a ratings hit that prompts Netflix to give us what we really want: a six-episode spin-off called Babette and Miss Patty: 24 Wild Hours.
And shout out to that joke about Tori Spelling’s hibachi grill incident at Benihana! I bet Tori Spelling is already on the phone with SAG-AFTRA to see if using her name in a joke can be classified as a paid acting gig.
Not to be outdone by the busted 70s ridiculousness that Amal Clooney wore the other day, Jessica Simpson started her Halloween celebrations early by stomping the streets of NYC yesterday while looking like a rejected extra from Madonna’s Deeper and Deeper video. If Charo got sick of being the perfect fashion icon that she is and wanted to show the people that she too fucks up sometimes, she’d wear this disaster. If Married to the Mob took place in the 70s and Lady Miss Kier did the costumes, this is something that Michelle Pfeiffer’s character would wear. Normally, I’d be all about that look, but on Jessica, it’s not working for me. As philosopher Patricia from Joe Versus the Volcano says, “That outfit’s wearing you, Felix.”
And that jacket looks like a pile of dead punk guinea pigs. If that fur jacket is real, Jessica better be careful. Because PETA may bring those dead creatures back to life with black magic and they’ll try to eat the fattened-up worms on her mouth.
On a positive note, New York’s Department of Sanitation thanks her for sweeping the streets for them.