It’s been a great month for people who needed a break from Kim Kardashian’s konstant thirst for attention. Ever since she was robbed at gunpoint in her apartment in Paris, Kim has been on a self-imposed fame whore hiatus. The only public appearance she’s made was to get ice cream on Monday night. There’s one person who isn’t enjoying the extended Kim-less break, and it’s Kim Kardashian. Kim, like Lindsay Lohan in Liz & Dick, is so bored!
Everyone has the sads today. Humanity has the sads because we’ve been cheated out of video clips of Mariah Carey cooing out her vows (read: lyrics from one of her songs) while wearing a modest ensemble (read: a pink diamond-encrusted bodysuit with a 25-foot long train) and standing next to a witness (read: the real Lisa Frank) at the City Clerk’s Office (read: an exact replica of Cinderella’s Castle that she had built in her backyard). Hello Kitty has the sads because she won’t get to walk Mimi down the aisle anytime soon. And Mimi’s bank accounts have the sads, because now she has to spend her own money since she and Billionaire Shrek are done! For now, anyway.
It seems like throwing rusty-eye daggers at Taylor Swift during Drake’s birthday party didn’t meet Katy Perry’s “hate on Taylor” quote for the week.
It was Katy’s birthday on Tuesday night, and she spent it at Kayne West’s Saint Pablo tour stop in Los Angeles. That’s a little shady, but not really. But then Kanye began performing Famous, aka the song that still probably makes Taylor’s eye twitch and teeth grind. And wouldn’t you know what happened? Katy just so happened to pull out her phone and Snapchat herself dancing and pulling faces during the “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex” line. How very subtle of you, Katy.
Katy Perry dancing on Famous by Kanye West is everything. QUEEN 👑⚡️ pic.twitter.com/ISYeV2tGhm
— ☠️ (@KATYPERRYRISES) October 26, 2016
Taylor Swift started coming for Katy Perry over two years ago, which means this petty revenge shit has officially gone on way too long. Even grudge-holding middle school girls are like “Okay, get over it maybe?” How much longer can two grown women keep poking at each other? Please don’t tell me we’re in for another ten or twenty years of this. Nobody needs a 52-year-old Katy Perry coming for a 46-year-old Taylor Swift while hustling Boniva between People’s Court breaks.
I certainly hope you’re not yet tired of seeing Katy Perry attempting to work that Madonna-on-Letterman hair. Here are some more pictures of Katy arriving at and leaving the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Show in West Hollywood yesterday. Katy showed up looking like the ghost of a goth saloon owner and left looking like a day player from Designing Women.
Puan, the new Guinness World Record title holder for being the oldest living Sumatran orangutan in the world, and she could give a shit about that.
ABC says that Puan’s kind doesn’t usually live past the age of 50, but she’s made it all the way to 60 years, which got her a Guinness World Record. Puan lives at the Perth Zoo in Western Australia, and the staff there said that it took them a quick second to figure out her age, because every time they asked her, “How old are you?“, she slapped their face with a “Fuck you and skedaddle out of my sight” look.
John Cleese (77)
Kelly Osbourne (32)
Patrick Fugit (34)
Vanessa Mae (38)
Marla Maples (53)
Simon Le Bon (58)
Veronica Hart (60)
Robert Picardo (63)
Roberto Benigni (64)
Jayne Kennedy (65)
Fran Lebowitz (66)
Ivan Reitman (70)
Lee Greenwood (74)
Nanette Fabray (96)
Ruby Dee (1922-2014)
Scott Weiland (1967-2015)
More pics from the set of Ocean’s Eight came out and judging by their outfits, Cate Blanchett is playing a hot washed-up lesbian rock singer turned con woman and Helena Bonham Carter is playing Helena Bonham Carter – Lainey Gossip
The fashion industry is still trying to make Hailey Baldwin happen – Drunken Stepfather
…and they really need to stop – Hollywood Tuna
Somebody please tell Prince Hot Ginge that I’ve read that a cure for baldness is saliva from a desperate skinny fat gay American blogger. I read this on WebMD! – Celebitchy
Teresa Giudice is serving up “Planet of the Apes meets I Dream of Jeannie” – Reality Tea
If you’ve have a hard day and are stressed out, soothe your nerves and meditate on Katie Price’s hypnotizing camel toe – The Nip Slip
When Kelly Preston’s son died, Donald Trump, being the tasteful and sympathetic kind soul he is, wrote about how he tried to fuck her once – The Superficial
Bump Watch (yes, I want to punch myself for writing that): The Natalie Portman Edition – Popoholic
Hillary Clinton has won the coveted try-hard performance artist douche demographic – Towleroad
NOT THIS STUPID SHIT GAIN! (It’s paint, duh) – SOW
NOT THIS STUPID SHIT AGAIN AGAIN! (It’s Bill Murray, duh) – Popsugar
I hate James Corden for not throwing Lady Gaga’s dumb pink hat out the window when he had the chance – OMG Blog
Patton Oswalt wrote a soul-melting piece about the loss of his wife – Pajiba
Michael Phelps got secret married months ago. If Ryan Lochte had a brain, it would explode while thinking about not using your engagement and wedding to get as much attention as possible – Just Jared
Great, now Donald Trump is going to scream that a wall must be built around his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and East Hollywood has to pay for it! – HuffPo