Archives: October 2016

Turkey Finally Has Its Own Mother Teresa And It’s Lindsay Lohan!

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan is already on her way to single-handedly saving the economy in Greece by running a nightclub (that is not at all a front for an underground hooker and coke ring). LiLo is also working on building up the energy of Syrian refugees by giving them Red Bull-like energy drinks (and she’s totally not doing it so she can get them hooked on that stuff and then charge them later). And between all of that, LiLo has somehow found time to become the Mother Teresa of Turkey and also thee premiere voice of islamophobia awareness in America. Oh, 2016, here you go again…

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RZA Has Released A Statement Defending Russell Crowe

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Another voice has spoken up about the alleged moonshine-fueled messiness that happened in Russell Crowe’s room at the Beverly Hills Hotel last Saturday night. This time we’re hearing from the person responsible bringing human tornado Azealia Banks to Russell’s hotel room party, RZA. Shortly after the news broke of Russell and Azealia’s throwdown, sources were saying that RZA was corroborating Russell Crowe’s story that it was Azealia who was throwing around the n-word. RZA has released a statement on Facebook today confirming that, as well as his feelings on this whole situation. And not surprisingly, it sounds like he really regrets bringing Azealia Banks to that party.

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Open Post: Hosted By Justin Hartley’s Nipples For A Good Cause

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

I know Justin Hartley as the hot trust fund douche from the multiple award-winning, mega-hit soap opera Passions, but like one or two of you may know him as the hot tortured sitcom actor on the little-known flop This Is Us. And yesterday, he became known as the hot, topless piece who agreed to be objectified and eye-fucked by Ellen’s audience (AND ME!) for charity.

Ellen and Sally Beauty’s uppity stepsister, Ulta Beauty, have been raising money for the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Ulta Beauty donates a big load of money every time a dude gets wet on Ellen. And just like his co-star Milo Ventimiglia before him, Justin offered up his man nipple services to take breast cancer down.

Ellen DeGeneres and her other guest, Rachel McAdams, played a really stupid game where they made pink water balloons break on a half-naked Justin by pulling sticks out of a tube. Actually, I shouldn’t call that game stupid. I mean, soft pink balls and liquid touched Justin’s topless body and that’s pretty much a wet dream come true for sucios who are into teabagging and golden showers.

I have no strategy, I’m just pulling these out.” Excuse me while I get my legal team at to send a cease and desist to Rachel McAdams for using the copyrighted line I use right before every hook-up.

Here’s Justin wearing way too many clothes with his fiancee Chrishell Stause at the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic in Pacific Palisades, CA over the weekend.



Vanilla Ice’s Wife Doesn’t Want To Be Married To Him Anymore

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

TMZ says that Vanilla Ice’s wife Laura Van Winkle has answered Ice, Ice Baby’s question: “Will it ever stop?“, and the answer is: “Yes, after almost 20 years.

Laura filed papers on Tuesday to divorce her husband of 19 years Vanilla Ice (aka Rob Van Winkle) in Florida where they live. Apparently there was a problem that Ice couldn’t solve, and it was his marriage. Sources say Ice and Laura have been separated for a few years, and filing for divorce was Laura’s way of making their split official. So the chance of him being able to convince her to stop, collaborate on a reconciliation is pretty unlikely. Laura said in the papers that she wants to keep the house they live in and also wants him to pay her lawyers bill. If you currently live in one of the homes Vanilla Ice flipped for The Vanilla Ice Project, don’t be surprised if he shows up with a trash bag of his stuff asking if you’ll let him crash in the basement for a couple nights.

Vanilla Ice and Laura have two daughters, whose names sound like cocktails from Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville, 18-year-old Dusti Rain and 16-year-old KeeLee Breeze.

This divorce is terrible timing for Vanilla Ice! Ryan Lochte admitted earlier this month that he became good friends with Vanilla Ice after meeting on Dancing with the Stars, but it’s not like they’ll be able to experience the sloppy single life together because Ryan just got engaged. You know who really loses here? The ladies of Spring Break 2017. They’ll never experience the crotch-melting hotness of getting tag-team hit-on by Ice Man and Water Boy.

Pic: Splash

Kanye West Is Really Mad At Jay-Z

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Since Kim Kartrashian is taking a fame-whorebbatical after getting jewel-jacked in Paris, it’s Kanye West’s job to desperately get those headlines and he went for it during the Seattle stop on his Saint Pablo tour last night. Kuntye went after fellow Tidal shareholder (Do they call themselves “seaweeds“?) Jay-Z over dumb political crap between Apple and Tidal, and also over Jay calling him after Kim was robbed instead of dropping by for a personal visit. Things are going to be really awkward for everyone at the next Illuminati sacrificial ritual ceremony when Kanye and Jay keep throwing mad looks at each other.

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