This Is Why I Cry Today: The CW Is Rebooting “Dynasty”

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Here’s my short response to this news: NOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOO!

There should be an American law stating that Dynasty is an important historical artifact and is not allowed to be fucked with in any way. But since the world is a shit place, that is not a law that exists, so The CW is planning to take Dynasty, stomp on it until its dust and then shit on it. I would sell my family if TNT gave Dynasty the Dallas treatment by doing a sequel starring some of the originals, but The CW is doing a complete re-telling. Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, who are responsible for Gossip Girl, are behind this travesty. 2016 has really gone and done it this time.

While I contact my congressperson, read the sacrilegious details from Deadline:

The series will be told primarily through the perspectives of two women at odds: Fallon Carrington — daughter of billionaire Blake Carrington — and her soon-to-be stepmother, Cristal — a Hispanic woman marrying into this WASP family and America’s most powerful class.

This is a new spin on the premise of the original series, which focused on oil tycoon Blake Carrington, played by John Forsythe, whose daughter Fallon (Pamela Sue Martin) resents Blake’s much younger former secretary Krystle Jennings (Linda Evans), to whom he is about to get married. Cristal will be a version of the Krystle character in the CW version, giving it a more diverse feel.

Okay, I do love the name Cristal and I do love a messy soap opera about “two women at odds,” but why not just create a whole new show. Why use the Dynasty name? Whyyyyyyy?

I hope that somewhere, Joan Collins is putting on her most powerful-looking power suit and is coming up with a way to own 51% of The CW. Once she makes that happen, she can stomp into the boardroom and let all of the executives know that she now controls the majority stake in the company and her first order of business is to destroy the Dynasty reboot. Please, Dame Joan, we’re counting on you!

Pic: ABC

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