Hot curly-topped anal swab Brody Jenner once felt like what we, the people, really needed to know is that he got a half-boner from seeing his stepsister Kim Kartrashian (see above with face #2? Or is that face #3?) naked. Now it’s Rob Kartrashian’s turn to bring the dry heaves out of us by using his mouth to shit out a pile of chunky TMI.
While doing promo for the show that is more fake than The Chronicles of Narnia, Rob and his on-and-off-mostly-off-again pregnant piece, Blac Chyna, revealed who their childhood crushes were. Chyna said Ricky Martin, and she guessed that Rob’s were JLo…..and his sister Kim. Rob laughed a little and at first I thought that meant one of two things: 1. Chyna was messing with Rob since he supposedly hates Kim Kartrashian more than you do. 2. Rob “crushed” on Kim in an “innocent 4-year-old looking up to his sister” sort of way. But then Rob awkwardly smiled and my poor, innocent brain was raw fucked with sucio images of him making Chyna chew on hair vitamins and wear a bronzer-covered rubber alien mask and gladiator heels while they boned. There is no GOD!
Rob: That’s pretty accurate.
Chyna: JLo AND Kim Kardashian.
Rob: That is also pretty accurate. Um….
Chyna: These are facts.
Maybe Rob doesn’t have a “crush” on Kim anymore since they were talking about “childhood” crushes and she no longer looks anything like herself since she’s shape-shifted into several kinds of plastic creatures over the years. Whatever the case may be, Pimp Mama Kris must be so proud that her biggest disappointment is using messy shock tactics to sell his shit show. That’s her
boy whore! And I’m also sure that PMK will somehow use that little piece of information we didn’t need to know to sell a spin-off series called Keeping Up with the Plastic Flowers in the Attik. E! won’t buy it, but TLC will and they’ll air it right after Josh Duggar’s new show.
And here’s Kanye West looking like a Mac screensaver went diarrhea on him while going to some event in Paris with the always demure Kim and The Slow One.