Open Post: Hosted By The Lifetime Version Of Justin Timberlake

September 29, 2016 / Posted by:

The future Emmy-sweeping biopic of my Cheetos dust-covered dreams, Lifetime’s Britney, isn’t going to grace our television screens until 2017 and that is a long time away. (Not to mention, that if “President Trump” becomes a real thing, it’ll be a little difficult to watch Lifetime’s Britney after fire falling from the sky torches our houses and TVs.) But Lifetime has already let us know that their Britney Spears biopic will be the television event of 2017 by releasing the first picture of their Justin Timberlake. The actors must be working pro brono, because it’s obvious that Lifetime used their entire budget on that gorgeous wig. Although, that’s not hard to do since Lifetime’s budget was probably a Party City coupon and whatever change was in the ash tray of the network president’s car.

Buzzfeed posted a list of all of the actors who are joining Natasha Bassett (as Britney) to bring this masterpiece to life. It’s full of a bunch of “Harpo, who deez actors?” including Nathan Keyes as JT. That looks nothing like Justin Timberlake and looks more like weed man from the early aughts with a pile of tangled yellow yarn on his head. That’s exactly the way it should be! Every Lifetime movie should be a busted down wreck from the casting to the acting to the costumes to the wigs, and it looks this Britney biopic isn’t going to let us down. And I can’t wait for the scene where JT dumps Britney after she once again mistakes his hair for curly fries and tries to eat it. Not many people know that’s the real reason for why they broke up.

And here’s the real JT shooting scenes with Kate Winslet (who looks a frazzled Audrey Meadows) on Coney Island for Woody Allen’s new movie, which won’t even be 1/100000000th as artistic as Lifetime’s Britney!

Pics: Lifetime, Splash

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