Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Jacques Jolie-Pitt!

St. Angie Jolie wants singular physical custody of all 934 of her children (or “all 6 of her children” if you like exact details and facts) and isn’t asking for any child support from Brad Pitt, but what about Jacques Jolie-Pitt?! Who’s going to get him? Jacques Jolie-Pitt is the most elusive and private member of the world’s most holiest family. Dude hardly does any pap walks and he’s agreed to do only less than a handful of public appearances like a shoot for Parade (see: him looking relieved in the face as he drops a fart on his human’s shoe) and a guest spot during an interview on 60 Minutes in 2011.

The only thing we really know about Jacques is that he was in Brangie’s wedding and that he’s extremely loyal to the holy family. I’m sure that TMZ, UsWeekly, The Daily Mail, The Sun, Dogster magazine and Animal Planet have offered him tons of kibbles and bits to spill the shit, but he’s not talking. Sure he’s not talking since he can’t due to being a fucking English bulldog, but he wouldn’t anyway. (Okay, maybe he would because my dog would sell me out in a hot second for a whiff of bacon.)

Johnny Depp (who now makes up one third of the Holy Trinity of Stank Sluts along with Brad and Ben Affleck) did give us a peek into the private life of Jacques Jolie-Pitt in 2010 while promoting The Tourist on Late Night with David Letterman in 2010Johnny dogsat Jacques while filming The Tourist in Venice, and said that the pooch is a horny ball of stinkiness. Although, Johnny could’ve just been smelling his own stank and blamed it on poor Jacques.

“The only problem I saw is that the dog reeks,” he said. “He absolutely stinks. I mean, real bad.”

Not only was Jacques a stinky, sizable force of “about 175 lbs.,” he was feeling a little frisky that night as well.

I guessed that Jacques would live wherever the child army lives, but after reading that, I’m going to say that he’s going to stay with Brad. Brad’s going to need a true friend to share a blunt with and troll for tricks to hump whenever Ben Affleck isn’t available.

Pic: Parade

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