When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
Sarah is really telling a story with this look. It looks like Sarah got a call from her stylist 30 minutes before the Emmys telling her that her car broke down on the 405 and she wasn’t going to make it to her hotel to get her ready. So Sarah sent her assistant out to the closest J.Crew for a pair of pants, dialed down to the concierge and asked them to send up a sewing kit and a stapler, yanked the bed runner off the end of the bed and got to work. Now I’m curious to see what she could do with a handful of shower caps and three feet of drapery cord.
Sarah Hyland wasn’t the only person to show up in a fabric panel. Natasha Lyonne did too, except she put hers around her shoulders. Although I don’t have as much to say about her, because I’m too busy staring at the bolts attached to her date’s neck.
I don’t know why, but Fred Armisen walked the red carpet in lazy Frankenstein drag. Excuse me, Frankenstein’s monster. Except he didn’t go full-Frankenstein, so all I’m really getting is monster that Dr. Frankenstein started building but didn’t complete because he got distracted by some zit popping videos Igor pulled up on his iPad. But I’m sure if you ask Elisabeth Moss, she’d probably say his monster costume was on-point.
Here’s more of the fancy-dressed people at the Emmys last night. Sadly, no one really brought some next-level tacky fashion last night. I can’t believe that not one person showed up in a People vs. O.J. Simpson-inspired slutty gown made of ill-fitting black leather gloves.