Everybody But Justin Bieber Has Selena Gomez’s New Phone Number

September 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Hmmm…that’s odd. I’ve sent at least a dozen dick pics and haven’t gotten a single text back. Maybe her phone crashed from how impressive my big boy parts are. That must be it.

There are many small joys in this life. One of my favorites is texting someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and getting the “New phone, who dis” text in return. Luckily for Justin Bieber, he’ll most likely receive such a gift the next time he goes to text Selena Gomez. UsWeekly says that Selena recently got a new phone number (EXTRA EXTRA STOP THE PRESSES). But there’s one person she doesn’t want having that new number, and it’s her ex Justin Bieber.

Selena recently took a break from being Selena Gomez to deal with some lupus side effects, so she’s got a lot on her plate. One of the things she didn’t want on her plate was dealing with 1am texts asking “hey u sleepin?” followed by an eggplant emoji. I don’t know for sure that Justin has ever done that, he just seems like the type. Not to mention that conversing with Justin Bieber through a digital device doesn’t exactly seem to end well for Selena.

A source says that she instructed everyone that got her new number “not to give it to him.” It will be interesting to see how long that lasts. Justin probably already has a clever scheme up his sleeve for how to get that number. My tip for anyone in possession of Selena’s new number: If Justin asks to borrow your phone to look up the nearest crappy tattoo shop, don’t give it to him! He’s lying, he doesn’t need a phone for that. Anyone with as many janky tattoos as he’s got can sniff that out like a bloodhound.

Pic: Wenn.com

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