Tip of the year: If your crazy ass wants to get revenge on an ex-piece by torching his car, make sure you have the right car before doing so. You’ll end up in the chokey either way, but at least you also won’t have to deal with the embarrassment of fucking up your own revenge stunt.
WFTS reports that last week, the police in…wait for it… wait for it… Clearwater, FL posted surveillance footage on Facebook of a delicate Florida blossom setting a car on fire. They asked for the people’s help on ID’ing Florida’s answer to Bernadine Harris. The tips came in and on Saturday, cops arrested 19-year-old Carmen Chamblee for going all Burning Man on the side of a road in Clearwater. She was charged with second-degree arson. Since this is a story out of Florida, it just has to have a giant dash of Florida fuckery spice in it.
When the police arrested Carmen, she told them that she thought she was destroying her ex-boyfriend’s Honda Accord. It wasn’t her ex-boyfriend’s Honda Accord. Oops! Carmen mistakenly set fire to a car that belonged Thomas Jennings, who has never ever seen her in his life. Thomas’ roommate said that when they noticed that his car was on fire, they ran out with pots of water:
“We ran out there. He had a pot of water trying to get it to go out. It was too much.”
Here’s the video of Carmen singing “Not Gon Cry” to herself while thinking she’s Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale. Now she’s definitely gon cry since she’s facing charges.
Do you recognize this suspect who torched a car Sunday on Blanche B. Littlejohn? If so, call us at 727-562-4242 or email us at email@example.com. She left the scene on a bicycle.
Posted by Clearwater Police Department on Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Of course it’s a Honda Accord, because everybody drives a Honda Accord. This is just another thing for Honda Accord owners to worry about. They already have to worry about thieves snatching their shit and driving off in the wrong Accord at the car wash. And now they have to worry about some crazy mess setting their Honda Accord on fire after mistaking it for her boyfriend’s Honda Accord. The trials and tribulations of an Accord owner, I swear.