Lena Dunham Apologizes

September 4, 2016 / Posted by:

It can’t be easy being sushi activist Lena Dunham. Ever since someone told her that she was the voice of feminism because she created a show about four sociopaths with vaginas, she’s had everything that comes out of her mouth analyzed to death. Sure, one solution for Lena would be to stop putting every thought that comes into her overly verbose head online (I type that hoping none of my Facebook friends or Twitter followers are here to pot-kettle-black my self-involved ass). But that’s hard to do when you’re a famous writer/showbiz person. So, sometimes, you’re going to say something stupid and people are going to go in on you for it. However, you can practice effective damage control by not practicing the type of damage control marked “eye roll-inducing.” We get it, you’re sorry. I’m sure HBO will still air the final season and your male friends of color are still going to speak to you.

Lena posted a gross interview with Amy Schumer on her newsletter Lenny in which they took turns putting their heads up each other’s assholes over their time at this year’s MET Gala. They both noted how terrible it was having to attend a globally famous party for the extremely rich and popular. Lena took the time to note her dismay over her perception that New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. didn’t want to explore Hannah’s Horvath.

I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards. He was like, ‘That’s a marshmallow. That’s a child. That’s a dog.’ It wasn’t mean — he just seemed confused. The vibe was very much like, ‘Do I want to f— it? Is it wearing a … yep, it’s wearing a tuxedo. I’m going to go back to my cell phone. It was like we were forced to be together, and he literally was scrolling Instagram rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie. I was like, ‘This should be called the Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes.

Ok, insecure and self-pitying, fine. Who isn’t? But Lena made the mistake of putting a twatty convo between “friends” up for public consumption. People weren’t feeling her plight.

Even Wiener-Dog came for her!

Lena, irritated that her standing as Social Outrage Queen of Twitter was now being seen as hypocritical, got pissy.

But then she realized that sounding haughty over the Internet calling her out on something when she’s usually calling someone out on something on the Internet made her look like an entitled ass. So began the apology meltdown. She’s apologizing to EVERYONE. She’s apologizing to black guys, white women, mind-readers, the busboys at the MET Gala, Amy Schumer’s bikini waxer, her ancestors, etc.

Lena could have prevented herself from looking like a backpedaling dick by simply initially tweeting “I was a dick. I’m sorry, guys.” But then “guys” would have pissed someone off and the cycle would have begun anew. We should just shut down the Internet and issue Dlisted as a ‘zine, huh?

Pic: Instagram

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