Archives: September 2016

Angelina Jolie Is Plotting To Take Down Brad Pitt

September 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Ever since Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt a little over a week ago, there’s been no end to the stories about how shitty Brad is. Brad is a mean drunk and stoner. Brad is a cheater. Brad is a bad daddy. It felt like someone was spinning a Wheel of Defamation and releasing a story about whatever bad thing the needle landed on. According to UsWeekly, that’s pretty much it, and the person doing the spinning is Angelina Jolie.

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Dlisted Is Looking For A Guest Blogger!

September 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Pictured: You, crying, along with your ears, as you listen to a new Iggy Azalea song you have to write a post about and you’re writing it on a typewriter because you’re a real literary genius whose creativity is fueled by the fresh scent of typewriter ink! And no, this gig will not lead to you getting romanced by Michael Douglas in a South American jungle. I think.

J. Harvey was Dlisted’s resident guest blogger, but since he’s permanently moved to the weekend shift, I need one or two foolery producers who can fill in whenever one of us has to be out for whatever reason (example reason: I have to take a day off on Showgirls‘ anniversary, because it’s one of my religion’s biggest holidays and I must observe the birth of my God!)

I’m looking for a writer who loves pop culture crap and is a regular reader of Dlisted (there will be a quiz including questions like: What happened to Qwueen on the Scene? No, really, I want to know.) It’s a plus if you know WordPress and have Photoshop. If you’re interested, send me a quick note about you, a writing sample and let me know your availability. Are you available only weekends, only weekdays or both? Drop me an e-mail at dlistedjobs@gmail.com. Yes, it pays. If the check bounces one time, just blow on it like a Nintendo cartridge and try again. The check is good!

Pic: 20th Century Fox

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 28, 2016 / Posted by:

The traffic cop from the Detrol LA commercial whose overactive bladder is messing with her job!

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta right now, gotta go, gottta goooo” is something you may have sang every time you had to hold your piss and/or caca while quickly waddling over to the toilet in the early aughts. That was thanks to several Detrol LA commercials from around 2003 including my favorite one starring an actress who gives the performance of her career as a traffic cop trying to keep her overactive bladder from exploding but can’t keep it together after a shady and cunty fire hydrant pushes her over the edge by pissing out a giant river of water. That mean fire hydrant knew what it was doing!

This commercial looks like it was shot on the same fake city set that Janet Jackson’s Alright video was shot on, so whenever I watch it, I hope that Miss Janet will sashay on by and help Officer PissPants out by throwing a pin-striped diaper at her.

So her overactive bladder problems are solved because of Detrol LA… But instead of having to take a time out to empty her bladder, she probably had to take a time out when the Detrol LA-induced constipation she suffered from gave her stomach craps. And I bet that asshole fire hydrant teased her by shooting out brown water. That bitch.

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Birthday Sluts

September 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Dita Von Teese (44)
Keir Gilchrist (24)
Hana Mae Lee (28)
Hilary Duff (29)
Daniel Platzman (30)
Melody Thornton (32)
Sarah Wright (33)
Matt Cohen (34)
St. Vincent (34)
Nick Viall (36)
Bam Margera (37)
Young Jeezy (39)
Gamble Breaux of the Real Housewives of Melbourne (44)
Challen Cates (47)
Carré Otis (48)
Naomi Watts (48)
Mira Sorvino (49)
Moon Unit Zappa (49)
Maria Canais Barrera (50)
Ginger Fish (51)
Janeane Garofalo (52)
Suzanne Whang (54)
John Sayles (66)
Jeffrey Jones (70)
Brigitte Bardot (82)

Pic: Instagram

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Night Crumbs

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski had dinner at Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s NYC apartment last night. I’m sure that after Jen served everyone Aveeno lotion and Smart Water soup, they pranked Brad Pitt by sending him several cheese-less vegetable pizzas, which are a stoner’s nightmare, honestly – Lainey Gossip 

It looks like Charlize Theron gained some chunk for a Diablo Cody movie, and sadly it’s not a sequel to Young AdultCelebitchy

Oh, it’s just Mimi dancing to one of her songs in Mykonos while everyone around her pretty much ignores her since she does that all day, every day – Drunken Stepfather

Modern Family cast TV’s first openly transgender child actor – Towleroad

And here’s pictures of St. Lindsay visiting a family of Syrian refugees who have really been through e-fucking-nough – The Superficial 

ScarJo got into Hillary Clinton drag for a movie – Popoholic

My favorite Swedish gold digger is still living that opulent yacht life – Egotastic!

St. Dame Professor Angie is still going to teach at the London School of Economics – Jezebel

Samuel L. Jackson screamed at pussy – SOW

Papa Joe and Donald Trump must go to the same colorist – WWTDD

Kiefer Sutherland is glad that Julia Roberts dumped him – HuffPo

How do I get that hot piece and his kangaroo kid to adopt me into their family? – Hollywood Tuna 

Being on suspension is rough (see: Tom Brady naked sunbathing in Italy) – OMG Blog

Patton Oswalt talked about his late wife and I should really see a doctor, because while listening to him, my eyes twitched and a weird clear blood drop trickled down my cheek – Pajiba

The ex-husband of one of the Real Housewives of Miami died after possibly having a heart attack – Reality Tea 

Pic: Splash

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