Archives: September 2016

Donald Trump Wants Everyone To Check Out Alicia Machado’s “Sex Tape”

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

I know, I’m really not right for not putting a “TRIGGER WARNING” above that close-up picture of Trump. Never forgive me that.

Early this morning, while many of us were in a deep sleep, dreaming about puppies, Alexander Skarsgard and Double-Doubles, Donald Trump was sitting straight up on the California King-sized tanning bed he sleeps in and orange grenade smoke shot out of his ears as he continued to rage over the Alicia Machado situation. Jabba the Trump grabbed his phone and used his roasted baby carrot fingers to furiously tweet more shit about Alicia Machado. Trump is staying bothered!

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Amber Rose Swatted At Julianne Hough For “Body-Shaming” Her On DWTS

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Dancing with the Stars judge Julianne Hough wasn’t feeling what Amber Rose was giving earlier this week. Some people may have be swooning when Amber stepped onto the dance floor looking like a third-rate Angelina Jolie impersonator in a Sequin City costume knock-off inspired by Kim Kardashian’s in the “M.I.L.F.$” video. But according to Amber, Julianne wasn’t one of them. Amber thinks Julianne “body-shamed” her, and she recently let everyone know about it.
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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

“Gee, your hair smells terrific!” – that dude

“Gee, that’s not my hair you’re smelling… hehehehe...” – that chick with luscious Cocker Spaniel hair, who obviously just farted and is really happy about it

Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific was a line of shampoo and conditioners from the 70s and 80s that supposedly smelled so terrific that as soon as the people around you got a nostril full of the terrific scent wafting off of your hair, they’d say, “Gee, your hair smells terrific!” It was put out by Jergens and was apparently highly popular until for some reason, it went away and everyone’s hair no longer smelled terrific.

I feel like I missed out on something important, because I never got to say, “Gee, your hair smells terrific,” since I don’t know what it smells like. So I went on a massive hunt, that took me all of 5 seconds thanks to Google, to find out what exactly did GYHST smell like. I expected to read that it smelled like cheeseburgers, or churros, or Suave strawberry-scented shampoo, or money, or Angelyne’s farts, because those are all things that smell terrific! I came across one site that described the scent like this:

I can still vividly remember the commercial for Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific, and the fragrant floral and spicy smell would last all day and night after washing and drying my hair

Floral and spicy“? Definitely like Angelyne’s farts. It’s kind of surprising that Jergens hasn’t rebooted GYHST for the millennials and changed the name to “YAAASSSS, Kween, Your Hair Cape Smells Cray! I’m Dead!

Here’s a commercial from the olden days for GYHST:

In many hair commercials of yore, everyone’s hair looks so straight, shiny and full and it makes me want to say, “Gee, your hair looks like a polyester wig and I want that!”

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Birthday Sluts

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Angie Dickinson (85)
Ezra Miller (24)
T-Pain (31)
Keisha Buchanan (32)
Lacey Chabert (34)
Kieran Culkin (34)
Dominique Moceanu (35)
Martina Hingis (36)
Marion Cotillard (41)
Ashley Hamilton (42)
Jenna Elfman (45)
Tony Hale (46)
Amy Landecker (47)
Trey Anastasio (52)
Monica Bellucci (52)
Eric Stoltz (55)
Crystal Bernard (55)
Marty Stuart (58)
Fran Drescher (59)
Patrice Rushen (62)
Barry Williams (62)
Victoria Tennant (66)
Rula Lenska (69)
Marilyn McCoo (73)
Len Cariou (77)
Johnny Mathis (81)
Cissy Houston (83)

Pic: Pinterest

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Night Crumbs

September 29, 2016 / Posted by:

RiRi presented her second collection for Puma in Paris and…..damn. I’d like to think that RiRi is majorly trolling and is cackling as idiots spend way too much money to look like Marie Antoinette if she was reincarnated as a 90s rapper who sells ecstasy on the side at raves. If RiRi is serious, then trick should really change up her usual weed strain – Lainey Gossip

Caroline Manzo is trying to be a soap mogul now – Reality Tea 

Justin Theroux’s dumbass has obviously never heard of shorts-wearing treasure Richard SimmonsCelebitchy

Kate Moss is in Dazed Magazine looking like the vampire madam of a brothel that specializes in S&M – Drunken Stepfather

Kate Hudson wants to do Brad PittThe Superficial  

Niall Horan, the one from One Direction who looks like Heat Miser’s blond son, has gone solo – Towleroad

Kim Kartrashian looks like she’s wearing a bootleg version of one of RiRi’s busted looks for Puma – Egotastic!

One good reason to get married: Tom Hanks may crash your wedding – Hollywood Tuna

I have no idea what Eva Green is wearing but I kind of like it – Popoholic

If you think it’s weird that the cast of Tim Burton’s movies are mostly white, then blame the little Asian and black kids on The Brady Bunch! It’s all THEIR fault! – Jezebel

Wonder Woman likes peen and poon, FYI – IDLYITW

Lady Gaga is 100% doing the Super Bowl halftime show and I will 100% be smoking a super super bowl to get through it – Popsugar

Johnny Depp has joined the cast of Kenneth Branagh’s remake of Murder on the Orient Express and well, at least his character dies right away  – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

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