Don’t worry, Timon and Pumbaa; I also don’t know how to feel about this news.
For the past couple of years, Mickey Mouse has been reaching into the Disney cartoon vault, blowing the dust off the first VHS their hand touched, and going “Sure, let’s make a live-action version of this.” Disney almost has more live-action adaptations made or in-production than they do dalmatians at this point. We last left off at a live-action adaptation of The Little Mermaid. Today, Variety is reporting that Disney has announced that their next animated feature-turned-possible live-action mess will be 1994’s The Lion King.
When you think of Miley Cyrus, you immediately have to rinse your mouth out with industrial-strength Listerine since the taste of chipmunk smegma covers your tongue. But after you do that and think of Miley Cyrus again, you think of a serious artiste who is all about the art and her voice and isn’t at all about gimmicks or herself or what she’s wearing. Miley Cyrus thinks that of Miley Cyrus too! And Miley Cyrus is the complete opposite of Mariah Carey.
Yesterday we found out that this generation’s Luke and Laura (slap me sideways for that comparison) were having some messy relationship problems. Rob Kardashian tweeted Kylie Jenner’s personal phone number as payback for throwing him a baby shower and not inviting the woman he knocked up. That’s when we discovered, thanks to TMZ of course, that the reason Blac Chyna was deliberately left off the guest list wasn’t because the Kardashians didn’t have enough double-wide chairs for all the fake butts in attendance. It was because Chyna and Rob hadn’t spoken for months. According to TMZ, Rob and his 8-months-pregnant fiancée Chyna are over. Today we’re learning that they might not be that over.
The two main clit-tinglers of Tumblr got together for a conversation for Interview magazine, and they pretty much stayed away from talking about personal crap. Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston licking each other’s crumpet holes while talking about the business of movie making is even less thrilling and riveting than an interview between wet paint and the wall it’s drying on. You probably didn’t read any of that since it’s kind of hard to read while you’re squinting from laughing so hard at Tom trying to serve up “Patrick Bateman’s serial-killing protégé” sinisterness in that picture above. Oh, Tommy, stop playing. Those photo-ops with Taylor Swift are scarier and more sinister than this shit.
Ever since Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt a little over a week ago, there’s been no end to the stories about how shitty Brad is. Brad is a mean drunk and stoner. Brad is a cheater. Brad is a bad daddy. It felt like someone was spinning a Wheel of Defamation and releasing a story about whatever bad thing the needle landed on. According to UsWeekly, that’s pretty much it, and the person doing the spinning is Angelina Jolie.
Pictured: You, crying, along with your ears, as you listen to a new Iggy Azalea song you have to write a post about and you’re writing it on a typewriter because you’re a real literary genius whose creativity is fueled by the fresh scent of typewriter ink! And no, this gig will not lead to you getting romanced by Michael Douglas in a South American jungle. I think.
J. Harvey was Dlisted’s resident guest blogger, but since he’s permanently moved to the weekend shift, I need one or two foolery producers who can fill in whenever one of us has to be out for whatever reason (example reason: I have to take a day off on Showgirls‘ anniversary, because it’s one of my religion’s biggest holidays and I must observe the birth of my God!)
I’m looking for a writer who loves pop culture crap and is a regular reader of Dlisted (there will be a quiz including questions like: What happened to Qwueen on the Scene? No, really, I want to know.) It’s a plus if you know WordPress and have Photoshop. If you’re interested, send me a quick note about you, a writing sample and let me know your availability. Are you available only weekends, only weekdays or both? Drop me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. Yes, it pays. If the check bounces one time, just blow on it like a Nintendo cartridge and try again. The check is good!
Pic: 20th Century Fox