Archives: September 2016

Justin Bieber Still Hates His Fans

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber has been a famous person for a long time. Sadly, there’s one part about being a famous singer that Justin doesn’t like. Justin doesn’t like fans. He doesn’t like taking pictures with them at concerts or in public. He doesn’t like when they give him gifts. He doesn’t like how they act on Twitter. He doesn’t like it when they try to get his attention at the club. And on Saturday, he gave us a quick reminder about how he feels about them.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Reporter Giving A Lot Of Thanks To A Bitch

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

And my other MVP of debate night is this proud graduate of the Journalism School Of Bitch Don’t who put her training to work when she told a bitch off as they all scrambled inside. Sorry, Sue Simmons, but I have a new favorite journalist!

Before the main event between Trump and Clinton went down last night, a mini pre-fight happened between my hero and another lady. The Daily Telegraph says that my Not The Icon is Al Jazeera English reporter Kimberly Halkett. While trying to get an interview with billionaire Mark Cuban, Kimberly was pushed and she responded by turning around before delivering the line of the night: “Thanks a lot, bitch!” It’s a damn shame that Bravo didn’t take advantage of this fuckery election and put out a new show called Real Newsreporters of the Election, because Kimberly definitely would’ve been the Shannon Beador.

“Thanks a lot, bitch” isn’t only the line of the night, it’s the line of the election. Actually, it’s the line of the entire year, because the only thing I really have to say to 2016 is: Thanks a lot, bitch!

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Not Being Married Is Keeping Goldie Hawn And Kurt Russell Together

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Michael made a comment while writing about the latest couple to be visited by the Grim Reaper of Relationships that now is the time to hope and pray that the next celebrity relationship to bite the dust isn’t Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell’s. The good news is, it probably won’t be. According to Goldie, if you want to read the words “Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell SPLIT” on the cover of UsWeekly, you’re going to have to go back in time and convince them to get married.

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Justin Theroux Said A Few Words About The Fall Of Brangelina

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Justin Theroux has started doing promo for The Girl On The Train and so we should expect that every interview he does will start with the question, “The Girl On The Train is about a girl on a train and Angelina Jolie is a girl and I’m sure she’s been on a train before, so what do you think about her dumping Brad and can you even hear this question since I’m sure your eardrums burst from the sound barrier-breaking laugh that Jennifer Aniston let out over the news?Business Insider asked Jennifer Aniston’s hot hipster piece about the breakup of our modern day Adam and Eve and he said that his heart feels for the child army and saying anything other than that is yawn worthy.

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Corey Feldman Has Vowed To Stop Talking About Corey Haim

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Corey Haim’s mom Judy Haim threatened to sue the Michael Jackson-inspired bang tail right off of Corey Feldman’s head if he kept bringing up her son’s name in interviews. It looks like Judy Haim’s legal threat worked, because Corey Feldman has declared that he’s added the name “Corey Haim” to his mouth’s filter and promised to stop publicly talking about the horrific shit his late friend went through.

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Katy Perry Will Get Naked To Get You To Vote On November 8

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

A lot of famous people promised last week that if everyone got out on voting day and made sure that Donald Trump didn’t become the president we’d get to see Mark Ruffalo’s weiner. I figured that the guarantee of seeing DILF dick was enough to send everybody running to register, but there are clearly still some people out there who need convincing that they should vote on November 8th. Katy Perry’s got them covered. Which, ironically, she’s doing while covered only by black censor bars.

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