Seen above holding court in what looks like the friendliest police standoff ever (they obviously can’t get enough of his fart jokes), Chris Brown was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon today. And just as that happened, a judge in L.A. slipped their hand into a moisturizing glove because they want it to be extra soft when they give famous and rich convicted felon Chris Brown a delicate slap on the wrist in court.
At the hour of the ungodly (California time) this morning, the LAPD were called to Fist Brown’s house in Tarzana after a woman claimed that he pulled a gun on her. Chris refused to come out and instead posted Instagram videos where he brought up Black Lives Matter, said “fuck the police” and also told the cops to Bobby Brown him with their mouth (aka suck a fart out of his ass). Chris denied pulling a gun on anyone and said that he was asleep the entire time. As the SWAT Team and the LAPD waited to get a warrant to search Chris’ house for the gun, he reportedly screamed, “Come and get me,” at them and threw a duffle bag through a window. The duffle bag had weapons and drugs in it.
When the cops finally got the warrant this afternoon, they went in to search his house as he sat outside with his lawyer Mark Geragos. The Los Angeles Times reports that the cops eventually arrested him and took him to downtown L.A. to be booked.
The woman who allegedly witnessed Chris Brown acting like Chris Brown has been making the rounds. Baylee Curran, who is Miss California Regional 2016, has told her side of the story to TMZ and Extra. Baylee said that she’s partied with Chris before and it was fine, but early this morning he went into a rage that she thinks was produced by booze and drugs. According to Baylee, she and a friend went to Chris’ house and were hanging out in the hot tub for a second. When she went back into the house, she saw a dude wearing a bunch of shiny jewelry and she stood there admiring all of his opulent treasures. Her eyes were hypnotized by one particular diamond cross necklace. She didn’t touch it or put her hands anywhere near it, but the dude got pissed off and so did Chris.
Chris allegedly pointed a gun at her and told her and her friend that he was sick of them and to get the fuck out of his house. Chris’ people had her phone and they refused to give it to her unless she signed a non-disclosure. Baylee didn’t want to sign a non-disclosure so she grabbed her phone and ran out of the house. Chris’ minions chased after them, so she said:
“I fled down his driveway. I went to the left side of the street, went up a couple houses, was running. That’s when the neighbors heard the commotion and saw me out there and then called the police, and that is when I then called the police.
I saw a black jeep come down from Chris’s driveway toward where I was, where the neighbor was. I went underneath the nearest vehicle… there I was, literally crawled underneath the car… hid behind the tires, and the jeep came up to the area of that vehicle, turned around and went back up the driveway. There are witnesses. I had my friend with me, my girlfriend… she actually fled with me, went running down the street, was there when the cops came, saw the gun, saw the threats. I’m sure you can ask the jewelry man, he was there. I’m sure Chris’s friends won’t vouch for me, of course.”
She later went to the police station to file a report.
This mess is like a plot out of Ray Donovan (sans Ray Donovan to fix it all).
The lessons to be learned here is that if you’re going to scream, “Come and get me,” and throw out a duffle bag full of guns and the bad shit through a window as a bunch of cops are on your front lawn, make sure you’re both famous and rich when you do it. Because if you’re not, there’s a chance that may leave your house in a different kind of bag.