Paper Magazine and Kim Kartrashian covered our eyeballs with a thick greasy skid mark about a year and a half ago, and around 5 months ago, Kylie Jenner got her own terrifying cover, which made all of us reach for our rosaries. It was time for another member of that koven of fame whores (or in this case, a soon-to-be member) to take the cover. Surprisingly, Pimp Mama Kris didn’t try to outdo her hos by posing naked, greased-up and spread-eagled on the cover of September’s Paper. (That will probably be on the cover of Paper’s annual Unholy Issue in December.) Blac Chyna did the cover instead.
Blac Chinet is currently knocked up with the next Kardashian spawn who they hope will carry on the family’s legacy of making the most while doing the least. And since no knocked-up Kartrashian would ever not consider pimping their bump out by posing naked in a magazine, Blac Chinet posed naked in Paper.
I gave this post the “Photoshop Awards” tag, but I don’t even know if this is a work of Photoshop. That cover looks like an airbrushed van mural as seen through a Snapchat filter. If you took a Venus of Willendorf figurine and dipped it in melted plastic, dropped Barbie’s scalped hair on its head and covered it with floral wall stencils, it would look like that cover.
Thanks to this cover, I’m sure that Wite Chyna (aka Kylie Jenner) is currently at a Goodyear where the mechanics are pumping more hot air into her ass, belly button, tits and lips, so she can she recreate this shit tomorrow. Thanks, Paper and Blac Chyna! And I was going to make fun of Blac Chyna for doing the same dead-eyed baby doll face in every single picture, but I won’t. It must be really hard to contort your mug into different facial expressions when you’ve got 3 tubes of liquid nails in there.
Pics: Charlotte Rutherford/Paper