Britney Spears’ new album Glory (Hole) is out today, and to promote it, her team pushed her into a locked moving metal box and forced her to uncomfortably sit while listening to the English Jimmy Fallon yodel out her songs. Brit’s team obviously doesn’t think she’s been through enough.
If you really don’t know the words to Brit Brit’s songs, you’re not alone. It doesn’t seem like she really does either. During James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke bit on The Late Late Show, which aired last night, they went through some of her hits and his vocal cords produced actual musical notes while she just sort of mouthed along…. BUT, for a second or two, my ears did take in the sound of Brit Brit singing live! If vocal cords had brains, Brit Brit’s would think to themselves, “Heh? What’s going on?”
Between mostly lip-synching to her own songs, Brit also talked about stuff with James. They talked about how a friend opened up Brit’s mind to the world of tickling (SPOILER ALERT: The friend was Tickle-Me-Elmo) and also exchanged words about chirrun. Brit is done with marriage and she’s done with men, but she wants to French kiss one and wants three more babies. Err, it’s probably about that time for Daddy Spears to sit his little hushpuppy down and let her know that French kissing doesn’t lead to having a baby. Britney is 34 years old and so she needs to know that when you want another baby, you leave a dead fish on your windowsill and a stork will bring you a child it got from a cave in the mountains. I’ve known that since I was at least 15! Okay, my mom told me last week.
And you can’t get pregnant from French kissing, but I think I got pregnant from staring at James Corden’s juicy left tete.