The last ballot I cast was in the election that saw Hottié McStud become Prime Minister of Canada, so I don’t get to vote in this one. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. I know one of the candidates is a dry Buffalo chicken tender in a suit. I know that the other one is Hillary Clinton. I also know that they’ve got to make a lot of money before the election, so they hold fundraisers. Yesterday, a fancy money-making lunch was held in honor of Hillary at the Los Angeles home of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
Justin and Jessica graciously stepped in last minute to host it after the original Hollywood host, Leonardo DiCaprio, had to back out due to being “too busy“, which definitely isn’t code for dealing with an embezzlement scandal. According to Variety, J&J’s fundraiser lunch was very ‘spensy. It reportedly cost $33,400 to attend, which is roughly the cost of lunch for a family of four at Au Fudge. Guests included Hillary fan club member Scooter Braun, the secretary treasurer of Leo’s Pussy Posse Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer Maguire, Jamie Foxx, Shonda Rhimes, and Jennifer Aniston. Good idea inviting Jennifer Aniston to a fundraiser, since we all know she’s making some serious shampoo and bottled water money.
As you can see, Hillary posed for selfies with a bunch of famous people, which is the nice thing to do when they’re giving you tiny cucumber sandwiches and a mountain of cash. I only wish that picture above had been a video, because I really would have loved to have seen Hillary’s attempt at a Friends joke. “We were on a breaaaaak. Right? Oh boy, that Ross. I believe he liked dinosaurs, is that correct?”
I don’t know if Donald Trump also has a Hollywood fundraiser planned. But if I had to guess, I’d say it will be a $9.99 buffet lunch at the Spearmint Rhino hosted by Scott Baio on his lunch break from whatever shoe store he’s currently working in.
Here are some pictures of Jennifer Aniston arriving to J&J’s fundraiser in a chauffeured golf cart. Golf carts? Come on, for $33,400 they should have sprung for Joey Fatone to carry them in on his back.